


It’s Sort of A Small World After All

by magsforya



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, CrissColfer Big Bang, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 03:16:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4771436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magsforya/pseuds/magsforya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a one night stand--nothing more. They didn’t even exchange last names or numbers. So two months later when Darren meets up with Chuck, the last thing he expects is to come face to face with said one night stand. Turns out Chuck and Chris? They’re best friends. Oh! And the catch: Chuck doesn’t know that Darren likes guys.</p><p>Darren’s life just got a whole lot more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on #6 on [this](http://codenamecynic.tumblr.com/post/101963935827/more-au-ideas-that-the-internet-doesnt-need-part) prompt list.
> 
> Rebloggable on [Tumblr](http://magsforya.tumblr.com/post/128793820039/its-sort-of-a-small-world-after-all).
> 
> Many, MANY thanks goes out to my three betas, Randi, Tara, and Iris.

“Well…” Darren says, standing in his brother’s kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. His eyes are as wide as saucers and his face has either gone bright red or has lost its color completely. “This is awkward,” he finishes.

                He can’t move. He was in the middle of taking a step forward when his brother walked in with _Chris_ , and now Darren is frozen on the spot—his right foot honestly suspended in air—and making an already strange situation even more awkward.

                “Uh,” Chuck stalls, looking back and forth between his brother and Chris, perplexed. “Do you both know each other?”

                Chuck is staring at Chris and waiting for an answer, and Chris has to tear his eyes away from Darren.

                “Hmm?” He asks, turning towards Chuck and still trying to process the current situation.

                “We met before,” Darren interjects rather loudly, hoping to save Chris from having to answer truthfully.

                “You did?” Chuck asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and Darren _really_ wants his older brother to just stop asking questions.

                “At a concert,” Darren supplies quickly, looking over to Chris and hoping and pleading with his eyes that Chris will just go with it.

                It’s not the truth, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind and he knows immediately that it’s believable. Darren meets _everyone_ at concerts.

                “Oh,” Chuck says, still looking between the two of them in mild confusion.

                Darren can tell that he’s trying to figure out why everyone is just standing there silently like lame ducks, but he doesn’t want to put Chuck out of his misery. He doesn’t feel like he _can_ , not without outing himself. Darren’s sort of completely confused too, and he’s not quite sure what he’s supposed to say. He’s too involved in processing the situation to realize that he should say something to make the whole situation seem normal to Chuck.

                The problem is that he honestly never thought he’d see Chris again. Not after running out on him two months ago.

                Okay, he didn’t _run out_. He woke up the morning after awesome (yet casual) sex and decided to avoid the awkward and unnecessary ‘day-after-a-one-night-stand’ conversation. So he left. It’s sort of his MO, to be honest. If he’s hooking up with a random person then he doesn’t stay the night. And if he does sleep over, he jets out as soon as he wakes up.

                _This_ has never happened to him, though. Two years of one night stands and Darren hasn’t once run into someone like this. With the exception of friends with benefits or people he meets at clubs he frequents, he’s never encountered a situation like this. At least not since he graduated college and moved to New York City.

                He’s suddenly grateful for that. Because he feels really weird and strange and awkward right now. Also a little bit guilty, and he doesn’t know why. _Should_ he feel guilty for making a quick getaway?

                “So…” Chuck says. “Why is this so awkward?”

                “It’s not,” Chris is quick to assure, jumping to explain. “Sorry. Just…out of context. Haven’t seen him in awhile. It’s just weird seeing him here. Because, you know. I-I-I, uh, just. Out of context. Like I said.” He’s rambling, and if Darren were rambling then Chuck would know that something was wrong. But for some reason Chris can ramble and Chuck will believe it all. Darren’s semi-amazed at this and completely jealous. He wishes he had the ability to talk Chuck’s ear off and have Chuck just nod his head in understanding.

                “Yeah,” Chuck nods warily, though not skeptically, Darren notes. “So, uhm. Chris,” he says, looking at Chris, “this is my brother Darren. Darren, this is Chris.”

            Chris’ eyes go comically wide as he looks back and forth between Darren and Chuck.

                _Shit_ , Darren thinks to himself. _This would be my life_.

                Because Chris is Darren’s former one night stand. A great one, at that. Probably one of the best one time fucks he’s ever had. He’s also apparently Chuck’s friend. If there’s a god then he’s probably laughing his ass off and pointing at Darren hysterically.

                Oh, and the kicker of the story? Chuck totally has no idea that Darren sometimes bones guys.

                “Nice to meet you—uh, see you, again,” Darren says, looking at Chris.

                “Y-Y-Ye-e-ah,” Chris replies clumsily. “You too.”

                _This is so not how I was expecting my afternoon to go_ , Darren internally groans as he walks back to the sink and puts his glass in it.

                “I’m just gonna…go,” he says. “I’ll talk to you later!” He doesn’t really say it to anyone in particular, but he walks past Chuck and Chris and heads for the door, avoiding eye contact in what he hopes is a casual way.

                “But I thought we were hanging out today,” Chuck calls out as Darren grabs his coat from the hook by the door.

                “Yeah. No, I’m sorry. I was just stopping by to let you know something came up. My agent called. I got a gig. Just wanted to share that with you in person.”

                Darren’s smiling at Chuck in a way that he hopes doesn’t look too manic. He knows from past experience that he’s better at conveying calmness and sensitivity than he thinks he is. Meanwhile, he’s internally freaking out and he doesn’t exactly know _why_. Chris doesn’t seem to be freaking out.

                He puts his coat on and bids Chuck and Chris adieu and hopes that Chris doesn’t mention anything to Chuck before Darren can explain himself.

                _I totally knew this would all come back to bite me in the butt_ , he thinks.

* * *

 

                Even though the sex was good—nay, great—Chris still isn’t really that memorable to Darren. They met at a party. They were both drunk. They danced together. They made out in the middle of the living room floor before moving to the secluded corner of the kitchen. They talked a bit, but once the kissing started they didn’t turn back.

                They ended up at Chris’ place and they fucked and it was _good_ and neither of them were _too_ drunk. Just on _this_ side of tipsy. They smiled and laughed and five hours later Darren left.

The end.

                Chris was the friend of a friend. He got dragged to the party by his friend Rob who was dragged to the party by _his_ friend Paige. Paige was the girlfriend of Joe. Joe is one of Darren’s closest college friends. Joe was throwing the party. Really, it’s all incredibly confusing. But Chris was only there because he was dragged there and he didn’t know anyone at the party. And it’s why, two months later, Darren hasn’t run into him again.

                Which was perfect for Darren. It’s what he wanted. He’s done the whole friends with benefits thing. He’s done the whole _Oops I Hooked Up With A Friend_ thing. He’s casually dated and he’s been in committed relationships.

                But right now he’s doing the whole _Exploring Who I Am and What I Want_ thing, with an added bonus of _Oh, And I Also Like Dudes_. So he’s regressed back to one night stands like he’s a freshman in college again. Except now that he’s older it’s much more different. It’s _better_ , because he no longer has to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. When he hooks up with people it’s with the consensus that it is just a one time way to get your rocks off.

                Really, though, running into Chris isn’t the most stressful part of this situation. It’s the fact that his brother knows Chris. It’s the idea that Chris may have told Chuck about him, even without using his name. Darren frequently tells his friends about his own one night stands. Who’s to say that Chris doesn’t do the same?

                He goes to the gym after leaving Chuck’s, because he doesn’t have any other plans and he has a lot of restless energy to get rid of. Running clears his head. He also has the added tension of having to find a gig to play. His brother is going to ask about this gig he supposedly booked, and now Darren needs something to show for it.

                He’s going to have to call a few friends and ask for a few favors. There are a few people out there who owe him. After all, a day as cosmically fucked up as this one _has_ to have some sort of saving grace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the story begins!


	2. Chapter 2

“Please tell me you have your rent check,” Darren hears from the living room immediately after he walks through the door.

                “Of course I do, Joseph. Rent is due on the 27th of the month. Today is the 22nd. We normally mail it in on the 23rd just to be safe.” Darren walks into the living room to see his roommate sitting on the couch and looking over a piece of paper.

                “Oh thank god. Because it wasn’t on the fridge and I started freaking out,” Joey responds, looking up from the paper.

                “It’s in my room. I’ll go get it.”

                Darren grabs his rent check and hands it to Joey, who delicately places it in an already stamped envelope.

                “Want to hear a good story?” Darren asks as he plops down next to Joey.

                “Not really,” Joey says nonchalantly. “What I really want to do is memorize this scene for my audition.”

                “Trust me when I say that this is a _really_ good story.”

                “How good? Lauren throwing up on her Professor good or Nick on pain medication good?”

                “Darren’s homosexual one night stand being friends with Chuck good,” Darren replies, eyebrows raised and lips pursed.

                “Ooohhhhh,” Joey sighs, slightly alarmed and staring at Darren. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but that doesn’t actually sound good.”

                Darren shakes his head. “That’s because, Joseph, you are most certainly correct.”

                “Want to share?”

                “Not sure there really is much to share,” Darren shrugs, relaxing further into their well worn secondhand couch. “Was supposed to hang out with Chuck yesterday so I let myself into the apartment. Next thing I know I’m face to face with this guy I once had sex with and Chuck is introducing us.”

                “Think Chuck knows?” Joey asks, running his hand through his hair.

                “Nah,” Darren replies quickly. “Not unless Chris said something. But Chuck didn’t know then. He asked why we were so shocked to see each other and I spit out some bullshit about how we’d met at a concert. Then I bolted. So unless Chris said something since then…”

                “Something tells me this is not how you pictured coming out to your brother.”

                “I don’t think I ever did picture coming out to my brother,” Darren admits thoughtfully.

                “Ain’t no time like the present?” Joey asks, turning to Darren and raising an eyebrow.

                “Nah. I’ll wait until I find out if Chris said anything. Might still be able to play it cool.”

                “Do you plan on talking to Chris at all?” Joey asks skeptically.

                “I mean, I plan on talking to Chuck. I want to know if they’re really actually _friends_ or just friendly.”

                He has to figure out how to move past all of this, and he can’t do that until he figures out how close Chuck and Chris actually are.

* * *

 

                Darren’s attraction to men isn’t a new thing. Not at all.

                It’s one of those “I’ve known since I was twelve but it scared me so I hid it and buried it deep down and hoped it would just go away” things. It was also one of those “REALLY CONFUSING AND THEREFORE I DON’T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT” things. Because even though he had this dark and secret attraction to men, he also had a not at all secret nor hidden attraction to women. It made it a whole lot easier to hide the part of him that he didn’t want to deal with, because he didn’t have to _try_ to like women. He didn’t have to force himself to date girls or kiss girls or have sex with girls.

                He thinks he likes girls more. But he’s not sure if that’s because he _wants_ to like girls more, if he actually _does_ like girls more, or if he just hasn’t been with enough guys to honestly know his preference.

                All throughout high school and most of college he dated women. It wasn’t until his junior year of college that the _other_ side of him ‘came out,’ so to speak.

                He was twenty one and he was really fucking drunk. Probably the drunkest he’s ever been. His girlfriend of fourteen months had just broken up with him and he was totally and utterly heartbroken. It wasn’t the first bad breakup he experienced, but it was the one that hurt the most—the one that hit him the hardest. The week after it happened he walked around like a zombie. He had forgotten how he existed by himself and without her to lean on. He was honestly completely in love with her. He told her things he never told anyone else.

                He told her that he thought he liked guys.

                It’s not the reason she broke up with him. At least that’s what she said. But Darren secretly thinks it had _something_ to do with it. But, in reality, things had already been falling apart slowly, and even before Darren opened up to her about his sexuality he knew things were taking a turn for the worse. He actually hoped that being this open and honest with her would help bring them together.

                But it didn’t work and she broke up with him a few weeks later, and the weekend after it happened he spent every day surrounded by friends and booze and he drank himself into a stupor. His faithful roommate Joey was there to clean up after him and push him into the bathroom when he was throwing up. He was also there when Darren had an honest to god breakdown.

                Thankfully none of his other friends were present for that, because Darren has heard that it was _not_ a pretty sight.

                It involved him, post-puking, sitting on the bathroom floor and crying his eyes out and saying that he ruined everything because he “might be gay.” It wasn’t one of his prouder moments. He applauds Joey for being as patient with him as he was, because Joey was apparently able to get the whole story out of Darren, and as Darren slowly sobered up and continued to talk, Joey was nothing but supportive. Darren was told that he spent about three hours rambling about his sexuality and giving Joey detailed descriptions of when and how and why he knew he liked guys and all of the pain it caused him.

                Darren’s pretty much A-Okay with having little to no recollection of that night. It’s not something he wants to relive. Or recreate. Ever.

                He doesn’t remember much, but he remembers one particular rant. Mainly because it’s the same rant he used to say in his head all the time. He practically has it memorized. He probably just word vomited it out to Joey from memory.

                “I don’t know, man. I just don’t know. It’s been like this forever. _Forever_. Always. And I don’t know why. And I thought I could ignore it. And I _can_ ignore it. It’s not even that big. It’s not even that big of a deal. I don’t know. _I DON’T KNOW_. It’s just who I am. Except really it’s not. I shouldn’t have told her. I ruin everything.”

                Joey promised Darren that he doesn’t ruin everything, saying that he actually has this strange ability to make everything better. He then walked Darren to his room, put him in bed, and placed a trash can next to his head.

                The next Joey explained to a very confused and hung over Darren what had happened the night before, and demanded a very deep, thorough, and soul-wrenching conversation in which Darren confessed everything to Joey—soberly, this time—and swore him to secrecy.

                Darren regrets none of it. Joey is so completely accepting and was so great the following weeks at just pretending the whole night ever even happened. He gave Darren all the time he needed to sort things out himself. His entire junior year was spent acknowledging—privately, in his head—that there is this part of him that he’s not comfortable with but that he has to learn to become comfortable with.

                His senior, year Darren started slowly experimenting with guys, still rather furtively, until he got the courage to tell his friends. It wasn’t until after he graduated and moved to New York City that he really became comfortable with being _queer_. It’s not his favorite word, and he really doesn’t mind it if people assume he’s straight. But labels aren’t really his thing, and queer is the closest thing to a no-label that exists.

                Normally he just corrects people when they assume he’s straight and says, “I like guys, too.” Or he’ll say that he doesn’t really like labels because they make him uncomfortable. If anyone pushes him further, he tries not to look like a scared animal at the zoo and he’ll tell them that he’s queer. He’s just learning to be comfortable in vocalizing these feelings outwardly to other people. His best and closest friends all know.

                He just hasn’t gotten around to telling his family. Or his extended group of friends. But everyone else knows. He doesn’t hide it with people he just meets. He’s told a lot of people that he works with. He’s had boyfriends before, just never long lasting. Never really ‘ _monogamous and serious’_ boyfriends. Just guys he’s casually dated that have stuck around for a few months.

                But he’s twenty-five now and a whole lot more comfortable with who he is than when he was twenty-one. He _wants_ his family to know, he just doesn’t want to have to tell them. The pressure of coming out still gets to him, even though he knows most people won’t care. It’s still stressful having to think about telling family and his old friends that he’s not close with, or who he doesn’t really see anymore. He doesn’t want to be a point of gossip. He doesn’t like the idea that if he tells one person, they’ll tell another. He doesn’t want to have to explain it to family members during Christmas and Easter. He doesn’t want to be the topic of conversation at a high school reunion.

                “Hey, remember Darren Criss? He likes guys now.”

                So this whole _Chris_ thing could get sort of sticky.


	3. Chapter 3

                He finds a gig.

                He calls up some friends and he begs and he pleads and he gets himself on a roster to open up for a decently well-known band. He’s billed as a local act. He’s the first one to take the stage. Most people probably won’t even be at the venue yet, but he’ll be there singing his heart out and then hanging out at his merch table and trying to sell some five dollar CDs.

                It takes about five days to set this up, and Darren has been avoiding calls and texts from Chuck until he could get this sorted out. He keeps telling Chuck, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll send the info soon.” And, “Have I not told you yet? Shit. Sorry. I’ll give you the deets later. Can’t talk right now. Bye!”

                He sends Chuck a text Friday afternoon after everything is finalized.

                _Meet for lunch tomorrow? Excited to tell you about the show._

Chuck agrees to meet him at Café Ollin in East Harlem at noon for some of their favorite, yet affordable, Mexican food. Darren’s been craving it for awhile, and it’s the perfect atmosphere to sit and hang out for a little bit with his brother and hopefully do some digging on Chris.

                Who, by the way, and after much thought, is still just as hot as Darren remembers him being. Turns out Darren’s drunk goggles work pretty well when he is sober, too.

                After Darren gets out of work that day, he gets drunk. Well, he grabs happy hour drinks and food with a big group of his friends from the theatre.

                When he graduated from Michigan, Darren had a serious decision to make. One he _really_ didn’t want to make. He had to decide where to go next and what to do; music or acting? New York or LA? Chicago or DC? As his final semester came to a close, Darren spent many weekends traveling across the country interviewing and auditioning for jobs he both wanted and didn’t want.

                He ended up landing a decently paying theatre job in New York City. It was the only job he was offered, so he couldn’t turn it down. His decision was made: theatre it is. But when his run with the musical he was in ended, Darren picked music back up. Now he plays shows in between acting gigs. Currently he’s in rehearsals for a musical being put on with the Roundabout Theatre Company. He rehearses during the day, plays music and drinks at night. It’s ideal. He really loves his life. He’s constantly surrounded by lovely and out of the box, creative people and he _thrives_ on it.

                On this particular show Darren made instant friends with a lot of the crew guys, and he finds himself going out with them a lot. It’s who he’s hanging out with tonight: some set designers and lighting designers, and one of the Assistant Stage Managers and their awesome rigger. This is one of the first shows Darren’s done since graduating that has such a young cast and crew, so he’s taking advantage of it. He feels so entirely _comfortable_ with them. Most of them know that he likes guys, so he lets himself flirt with the server and doesn’t feel embarrassed when the server flirts back.

                He wishes this ease and happiness was something he felt all the time, but he’s too selfish to change anything just yet. He’s too comfortable with his life as it is at this exact moment to change it up and come out to his family.

                It’s why he’s hoping and praying that Chris hasn’t brought anything up to Chuck. Darren plans on going into the restaurant tomorrow and pretending that Chuck knows nothing. Because if Chuck _does_ know something, Darren’s not entirely sure how he’ll react.

* * *

 

                “So tell me about this show.”

                It’s the first thing that Chuck says once they sit down to eat, after the pleasantries when they met outside of Café Ollin.

                “It’s next Thursday,” Darren replies, scooching his chair a bit closer to the table.

                “This coming Thursday or the Thursday after that?” Chuck asks.

                “This coming Thursday,” Darren clarifies, putting his elbows on the table and leaning in. “I’m opening for Tegan & Sara.”

                “No you’re not,” Chuck spits out, immediately leaning closer and breaking out into a smile.

                “I know,” Darren replies, unable to hold his smile back. “I’m also opening for Lauren Zettler. She was actually who I was supposed to open for. But then this fell on my lap and I couldn’t say no. It’s why it took so long for me to get back to you.”

                It’s not even a complete lie. Darren _was_ supposed to open for Lauren. It’s the favor he called in. But then his friend who set that up told him that he thought he could sneak Darren into the roster for another show. Granted, he didn’t find out that it was Tegan  & Sara until yesterday morning.

                It’s probably one of the biggest gigs he’s landed so far. He’s opened for loads of people before, like his brother’s band and a few other rock and pop acts. But since acting has become his number one priority since graduating nearly three years ago, Darren’s music cred hasn’t had much of a chance to grow.

                “This is going to be awesome,” Chuck grins. “I’ll tell the guys. We’ll all come.”

                “I think tickets might be sold out?” Darren says before pulling his phone out and opening Ticketmaster. He’d love it if his friends could come, but he doesn’t expect people to drop money on a concert just to see him. Though he personally plans on sticking around for Tegan & Sara’s set.

                “Nope,” he replies, popping the ‘p.’ “Tickets are still on sale.”

                “Awesome,” Chuck says, taking a sip of his water.

                They’re interrupted by the waitress and Darren apologizes for not even looking over the menu yet. But they both get water and go back to talking about Darren’s upcoming sets: what he plans to play, who’s going to back him up.

                “If you need someone, I can play guitar for you,” Chuck offers.

                “I’ll let you know,” Darren says, taking a sip of his water. “I haven’t actually asked anyone yet. Shit, I should do that.”

                Chuck shakes his head in disbelief and grabs the menu, looking over it.

                “Wanna share guac?”

                “Absolutely,” Darren responds.

                By the time their waitress comes back they’re both ready to order. With the conversation about Darren’s upcoming gigs over and done with, he decides to—as casually as possible—bring up Chris.

                “So, sorry about Sunday,” he starts, leaning back in his chair. “I had just gotten the call about this and was a bit frazzled. Hope I didn’t freak your friend out.”

                It’s amazing how good of a liar he is. He blows himself away sometimes.

                “Chris? Nah, he was fine. Funny that you both know each other though.”

                Darren raises an eyebrow. “He say anything?”

                Chuck frowns for a second. “Like what?”

                “Nothing,” Darren’s quick to assure. “I just meant, like…I wasn’t sure if he told you the story of how we met.”

                “No,” Chuck replies. “Just said you guys met a few months ago at a concert through mutual friends.”

                Darren inaudibly releases a gigantic internal sigh and tries to furtively wipe away his brow sweat.

                “So how did you two meet?” he asks.

                “It’s pretty convoluted,” Chuck replies. “Chris’s ex Jeremy is really good friends with Alex.”

                “Alex Bravo?” Darren asks.

                Alex is one of Chuck’s good friends in New York City. He’s one of the few guys that Chuck hangs out with that isn’t in a band or an aspiring musician or artist. He’s an accountant. Darren never really knew how they met, but he likes Alex. His parents _love_ Alex. They think he provides Chuck with some stability.

                “Yeah,” Chuck replies. “Anyway, Chris got a job out here because Jeremy is from here and he wanted a change of scenery from the west coast. We’d all hang out a lot. Then Chris and Jeremy broke up.”

                “So why do you still hang out with Chris?” Darren asks, trying to follow the complex storyline.

                “We hung out a lot when they were dating and got along. When he and Jeremy broke up, I realized that I liked Chris better than Jeremy anyway. Why waste a perfectly good friendship?”

                Darren nods slowly, taking everything in as their food arrives. This is way more information than he was ever expecting to get. Not just about Chuck and Chris’ friendship, but about Chris in general.

                “So how long have you two known each other?” Darren asks, wanting clarification.

                “Uh,” Chuck says, no doubt calculating the answer in his head. “About a year, I guess. Wow, yeah. A year or so.”

                Darren’s eyebrows shoot up. He can’t believe that after a year of friendship he never even _heard_ of a Chris. Or met a Chris. He and Chuck are pretty close. Chuck’s part of the reason why Darren even came to NYC after graduating anyway.

                “Funny how you two met, though,” Chuck continues.

                “Yeah,” Darren replies, his face having gone a bit pale. “It’s sort of a small world after all.”

* * *

 

                “So,” Darren starts when he gets home later that afternoon and finds Joey in his token spot on the couch. “Good news is that Chuck has no idea I’m part homosexual.”

                “I’ll cheers to that,” Joey responds, lifting up his glass and tipping it in Darren’s direction.

                “Also, more good news, I have two new gigs.”

                Darren fills Joey in on his two gigs, and Joey immediately grabs his laptop and buys a ticket to each while Darren starts a group text with all his close friends that live in the city. Within an hour he has confirmation that several of his friends will attend both gigs. For the first time since Sunday, Darren feels inexplicably happy.

                “Think you’re gonna run into Chris again?” Joey asks as he closes his laptop and places it on the table in front of him.

                “I don’t know. I mean, apparently he and Chuck have been friends for a year. And I never knew it. So who knows.”

                “Wait, seriously?!” Joey asks, surprised.

                “Yeah. It’s weird. I know.”

                “Huh. Small world,” Joey responds, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

                “You’re telling me,” Darren says.

                There’s so much more that Darren wants to say but he doesn’t really know how to say it. He doesn’t have the words yet. He’s still processing what it means that he had sex with his brother’s friend, without ever knowing who Chris was. He’s not quite sure what Chuck will make of all this, either. If it were a girl that Darren screwed that Chuck knew, then Chuck would probably laugh or roll his eyes and call Darren a perv.

                But a guy? Darren has honestly no idea.

 


	4. Chapter 4

                The first gig with Lauren Zettler goes well. It’s incredibly small and cozy and his closest friends show up for it. Chuck comes with his girlfriend and a few of his other buddies bring dates. But it’s all very intimate. After he plays his set, Darren spends the rest of the night hanging out with everyone behind his merch table, listening to Lauren sing, and entertaining the few patrons who pass by him and look even semi-interested.

                Darren’s always had a way with strangers. He’s always known how to capture someone’s attention. He’s a rather brilliant salesman, at least he seems to think so. His friends tell him he sucks at it, that it’s his bright smile and friendly eyes that win people over.

                “Not to mention you’re hot,” Lauren says a lot.

                Whatever the case may be, Darren’s always been able to rope in anyone who even seems slightly interested in his music. Anyone who walks by his booth and so much as even glances at him gets the star treatment from Darren. And within moments they’re usually right in front of the table, looking smitten, talking with Darren, and pulling money out of their pockets.

                He doesn’t make enough money off his music to live on. But he earns enough to keep making CDs and stickers and posters, which is really all he aims for. As long as he doesn’t have to put as much of his own money into it, he’s happy.

                All in all it’s a very fun and relaxing Tuesday night. The perfect warm up to his set on Thursday for Tegan & Sara.

* * *

 

                Darren doesn’t normally get nervous before shows. There’s always that tiny bit of anxious energy right before he steps on stage, but he doesn’t get stage fright. He’s been performing in front of large audiences for years—since he was a child.

                But still, even with all of his experience, he can’t deny the butterflies that are swimming around in his stomach all Thursday while he’s rehearsing the play at Roundabout. It doesn’t get worse throughout the day, which is a godsend. But it’s been awhile since he’s played anything other than Battle of the Bands type shows and coffee houses and restaurants. It’s been awhile since he’s played a show that actually matters—a show that means something.

                There are going to be hundreds of people in the audience. Over a thousand if the show is close to being sold out. Knowing he’ll have that kind of audience is absolutely exhilarating, especially since half his set is cover songs.

                Really, he has _no_ idea how he was able to score a gig like this. He has to send his friend and his agent a bouquet of flowers or _something_ to thank them for this.

                Darren doesn’t have many rituals before a show. He’ll warm up, he’ll talk to his brother or his friends or his bandmates for a few minutes before the show, he’ll drink some water and go to the bathroom. He always spends the last few minutes before he walks on stage in his own head, just thinking, preparing, and hyping himself up.

                Chuck and Joey are backstage hanging out with him and his band while mic tests are happening. They talk about nothing important: just about their day and what TV shows they’re watching, with a little bit of gossip thrown in for shits and giggles. They’re the only people that Darren has seen thus far. He and Joey showed up together early to get the equipment and the merch set up, and the rest of their friends had to wait in line until the doors opened. About twenty minutes before Darren is scheduled to go on stage, Chuck and Joey leave of their own volition to head to the front, already well acquainted with the way Darren works.

                Right before he goes on stage, Darren and his band get together in circle formation and Darren gives a little pep talk. He jumps up and down a little bit and shakes out his body with a few theatre exercises he enjoys. He rolls his neck and shakes out his wrists and bends his elbows, rolling his shoulders as he feels the rest of his anxious energy leave his body.

                Then he walks out onto the stage and he sings.

                And he jumps and he dances and he smiles and he laughs, and he’s totally surprised with how many people are there. He has the time of his life. He does every time he performs, but there’s something special about tonight and about this opportunity and how all of his friends are there.

                He bounces around on stage and he sings his favorite songs—the ones he’s written and the ones he just admires. The audience, who at first seem disinterested, quickly get into the groove of things. Darren thinks he won them over with his cover of _The Little Mermaid’s_ Part of Your World and The Zutons’ Valerie. He’s always very careful with his set list, especially in situations like this where it’s important that he wins the crowd over. After he plays those two songs he can tell that the audience has caught on and is listening, and he’s able to throw in a few originals without losing their attention.

                Frankly, it feels _fantastic_. He feels on top of the world.

                He is hot and sweaty and he probably smells disgusting, but he feels so _great_. His grin is almost scarily large and distorted, his cheeks permanently flushed, and he can’t stop dancing and shaking and rocking out. It’s the best thirty minutes of his life.

                Though really, any time he performs it’s the best time of his life. He feeds off audience happiness. Julia once told him that he’s like Tinkerbell, that he needs applause to live. And while he thinks she was being curt at the time, Darren took it in stride. It’s true, after all.

                He’s an actor, though. A musician, too. His entire life has been about entertaining other people. Tonight is no different. And tonight he feels _ecstatic_.

                After the show—where he earns loud applause, thank you very much—Darren skips offstage and begins packing up his instruments with his band. When his stuff is all packed away, he and his band head out to the main floor. His drummer and bassist are sticking around for a little bit, but his other friend had to jet out, citing an early work day the next morning.

                Darren meets Joey at the merch table and is immediately swarmed by friends, half of whom are clearly a few beers in.

                “He-ey!” Darren sing songs. “These are my people.” He grabs Lauren in a hug before moving onto Julia and continuing down the line until he gets to his brother.

                “That was awesome,” Chuck says. “I sent a few videos to mom and dad.”

                “Let me guess,” Darren replies, grinning. “They sent you back a sappy text message saying they were crying tears of joy.”

                “ _It warms my heart that you two are so supportive of each other_ ,” Chuck dictates in a high pitched and terrible imitation of their mother before breaking out into laughter.

                Darren loves his parents, but they can, at times, be incredibly sentimental. Anytime Chuck and Darren send a picture of themselves hanging out together, their parents respond in the absolute most ridiculous ways. His mother will call them back, tears of joy and happiness falling from her eyes. His father will text back how proud he is that his sons get along.

                Chuck and Darren roll their eyes and have a good laugh about it. Sometimes they’ll even instigate the situation and send pictures of them pretending to choke each other. It still elicits the same schmaltziness.

                “Seriously though,” Chuck continues, a bit more serious but still looking incredibly happy and loose, “you were amazing. That was such a great performance.”

                “Thanks,” Darren smiles back. “It was fun. It felt really great.”

                Chuck pats him on the shoulder again before offering to buy him a beer, a request that Darren has no intention of turning down. While Chuck is gone and his friends are listening and dancing to the other opening band that has already taken the stage, Darren hops behind the table with Joey.

                “A few people have actually stopped by for CDs,” Joey comments, showing Darren the shoddily kept ledger.

                “Sweet,” Darren says, looking it over and nodding in approval.

                A few people walk by and look at him curiously, and Darren can tell that they’re trying to decide if stopping by his rickety table is worth it or not.

                “Hey there!” Darren hollers, grabbing their attention.

                Two girls walk over and casually eye the table and the shirts hanging behind Darren, blushing profusely when their eyes meet. Darren can tell that Joey is rolling his eyes as he backs away. Darren’s always been good at this. Talking to strangers is incredibly easy for him, so he spends the next five minutes learning their names and where they go to school and what music they like. By the time they walk away—to go to the bathroom, which is where they were headed before Darren intercepted them—they each bought one of his CDs and promised to listen to it and report back to him via social media.

                Darren considers it a success.

                When Tegan & Sara get on stage, Darren walks away from the merch booth to hang out with his friends in the back of the crowd. He figures that no one is going to leave the main act just to stop by his table, and Joey can handle anyone if they do. But he just wants to grab another beer and dance with his friends. It’s not until he goes over to them, beer in hand, that he sees him.

                Chris.

                At the show, a few feet away from him, talking to Chuck and Chuck’s girlfriend.

                _This_ is a new development. Darren sort of wants to go over and find out why Chris is here, but his friends have all flocked around him and are dancing and singing to the music, so he can’t exactly walk away from them.

                He spends the next hour dancing with friends and twirling Julia and booty popping with Joe. It’s an all-around great show, and he really is in a great mood. When Tegan & Sara’s set begins to wind down, Darren heads back to the merch table, sells a few more CDs, and packs up. He, Joey, and Chuck load all of the merch and the instruments into the van that Darren borrowed from Julia, who nanny’s in North Jersey and uses the car to take kids to school.

                Darren carries the last box out to the van himself, and when he turns around he finds himself unexpectedly face to face with Chris.

                “Hey,” Chris hesitates, not making any motion to step forward or backward. Just kind of swaying a few feet from Darren.

                “Hey,” Darren replies. He’s going for nonchalant but he knows it comes off as cautious.

                “So Chuck asked me to come tonight. I tried to back out but he wanted me to see you in action.”

                Darren nods. “No, that’s cool. Thanks for coming.”

                “Really?” Chris asks, eyebrows quirked. “Because I sort of got the impression that you were trying to avoid me.”

                “Really?” Darren asks, unbelieving.

                “I mean, the last time you saw me you literally ran out of the apartment and stopped talking to your brother for a week.”

                Darren blushes profusely. Apparently Chris and Chuck talk way more than Darren had previously assumed.

                “I’m not ignoring you. I just…” Darren’s not really sure how to proceed, but he assumes that honesty is the best policy. Especially if Chris and Chuck actually _talk_. Because the last thing he wants is for them to talk about _him_.

                “You just…?” Chris prods, nodding his head in an effort to spur Darren on.

                “Chuck knows nothing about me…liking guys,” Darren says, looking nervously at Chris.

                He’s well aware that he sounds like a frightened teenager and not a fully grown adult, but there’s really no other way to explain that.

                “Oh,” Chris says, standing up straight. “Oh. Uh. Okay. Yeah.” He stutters.

                “I know, it’s weird. I just would rather he not find out like this,” Darren continues, running his hand through his hair. It gets caught in the sweaty mass of curls, and Darren winces when he pulls too hard and hurts his scalp.

                “So is this a new revelation?” Chris asks, taking a step closer to Darren.

                Darren lets out a cynical laugh. “No, it’s not new. Not if four years is new.” He says it lightly. He doesn’t really want Chris to know the depths of his psyche and how much he’s thought about this and how it’s eaten him up inside. He doesn’t even know Chris. Chris has more of an allegiance with Chuck than he has with Darren, so Darren is loath to give anything too personal away. At least until he knows where Chris stands with this situation.

                He knows it’s pathetic that four years later he’s still completely closeted to his family. Especially his brother, who’s not only his family but his friend as well. He just doesn’t want his brother to think of him any differently, and he feels like once his brother finds out, he will.

                Chris looks at him skeptically, eyebrow raised in confusion.

                “Four years?” Chris asks.

                Darren’s not completely sure what Chris is asking, but he knows that he doesn’t want to answer it. He takes a deep breath as he thinks about how to phrase what he wants to say so it doesn’t come off as defensive or rude.

                “Listen,” he says informally and almost apologetically. “I don’t really think I know you enough to talk to you about my life’s problems.”

                Chris nods his head once in finality. “Duly noted.”

                “Sorry,” Darren says as he bounces back and forth on his heels, because he’s not quite sure what to say and now he’s standing outside in a parking lot with a semi-stranger that he once had sex with, and it’s all very awkward. Chris nods his head and just stands there, not really looking at Darren but also not really looking anywhere else.

                It’s not until then that he realizes all of the people around him and filtering out of the venue, and he realizes that the show is probably over and he won’t be able to get back inside. He decides to wait by the van, assuming that his friends will meet him there.

                Darren’s phone vibrates with a message from Joey and Chuck telling him to stay at the van.

                “They’re all gonna meet us here, I think,” Darren tells Chris, leaning against the trunk of the van and looking at all of the people talking and laughing and dancing and smiling all around him.

                “So just for the record,” Chris says, “he doesn’t know anything. I wouldn’t do that.”

                Darren thinks he can hear a ‘ _to you’_ at the end of the sentence that was dropped.

                A few seconds later everyone meets at the van and wordlessly decide to go to a bar down the street for drinks and late night, half priced food. They decide to leave the van there and walk to the bar, since it’s only three blocks away and parking in NYC is a bitch.

                Chris and Chuck and their group take the front of the line, and Darren slowly saunters towards the back.

                “You okay?” Joey asks quietly.

                “Weird night,” Darren responds.

                “I thought it was a great night, no?”

                “Fantastic night,” Darren amends, smiling. “Just talked with Chris. That was weird.”

                Joey bobs his head in consideration, and Darren knows that tomorrow he’s going to have to give Joey the full story. It’s not even that much of a story to tell in the first place. He talked to Chris, Chris seems cool, he promised to not tell Chuck anything. The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So do you like it so far?


	5. Chapter 5

                “Honest opinion,” Darren asks Saturday morning after rolling out of bed in boxers and heading into the kitchen in hopes of finding cereal and milk that isn’t expired.

                Joey’s sitting on the couch—because really, it’s almost the _only_ place in the apartment where he sits—eating his own cereal and watching shitty Saturday morning cartoons on the small and outdated TV.

                “Honest opinion on what?” Joey asks with a mouthful of Honey Bunches of Oats.

                “On me,” Darren replies, pouring himself some Life before opening up the fridge and grabbing Joey’s carton of milk (which, by the way, is a week shy of expiration—SCORE!)

                “Well,” Joey says exaggeratedly, putting his bowl down and sitting up straight. “You’re bombastic and showy and while you’re normally good at fading into the background when need be, your incessant need to be front and center can be a tad annoying. However, you smell good, do the dishes, and treat women nice. Overall, I’d say you make your mother proud.”

                “Hardy har har,” Darren says, walking to the tiny table they shoved in the living room and sitting down.

                Joey shrugs like he just did the world a favor but doesn’t want the recognition for it, and Darren shakes his head in slight annoyance.

                “Okay,” Joey replies cautiously. “Something tells me you’re not in a very light and fun mood. What gives?”

                “Do you think I’m a pussy for still not telling Chuck?”

                “Telling Chuck what?” Joey asks, and though he scooches forward on the couch and gives Darren his full attention, he doesn’t make any move at actually standing up and sitting with him.

                Darren rolls his eyes in irritation. “What do you think,” he replies, his impatience getting the better of him.

                “I think that I’m not at all qualified to answer this question.”

                “No, but give me your honest opinion. Like, spare no feelings. Tell me what you think.”

                Joey takes a deep breath and scratches beard, composing himself for a moment.

                “Well,” he starts off slowly. “I think that I have a lot of feelings about this?” His tone raises in question before he continues on. “I don’t know man. I don’t know what you want me to say. I think that you think you’re comfortable with who you are but that you’re really not. I think you don’t want people to think you’re gay. I think you’re still attached to the label ‘straight,’ because you use it a lot. And I think that your family really won’t care. I think _you’re_ the one who cares. And none of us know why. But none of us are gay. Or queer. Or bi. Or whatever.” Joey shrugs. “So none of us have any right to say anything because we don’t know what it’s like.”

                “You really didn’t hold any punches, did you?” Darren asks, using his spoon to play with his food.

                Joey shrugs and picks up his bowl again.

                “Now my cereal’s soggy,” he moans. He eats it anyway.

                Darren sits there and eats his food slowly, not really sure what comes next. He likes to consider himself pretty self-aware. It comes with being an actor. His entire career and life plan involves being constantly looked at and judged by other people—by strangers. He’s been told he’s too short, too tall, too fat, and too skinny for a certain role. He’s been told he’s not white enough or not Asian enough. He knows what his voice sounds like, he know what he looks like when he moves his body in this direction or that.

                So _physically_ he knows where he stands and what he is. Emotionally it’s a bit different. He can put himself into any role and he can embody any emotion. He’s played all types of roles; he’s played older people and younger people, he’s dressed as a woman, a sports player, a _penis_. But maybe the only emotions he doesn’t know much about are his own.

                “I think I have no idea what I am and maybe I need to be okay with that,” he says finally.

                Joey looks up, startled by Darren’s abrupt inflection.

                “No one really knows who they are completely, Darren. We’re always discovering new things about ourselves.”

                “Why, just the other day you found out you like squid,” Darren says with faux incredulousness, smiling wanly.

                Joey smiles back and Darren nods and picks up his bowl and deposits it in the sink before heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

                He honestly thought that he was okay with _this_ : with his sexuality. And to a certain point he’s sure that he is. He’s known about it for over a decade, he’s been okay with it for years. Maybe not as okay with it as he thought he was, but comfortable enough in his skin to come out to his friends and coworkers, to strangers. Comfortable enough to date and fool around and fuck guys.

                Maybe he just needs to pull the Band-Aid off quickly.

* * *

 

                Chuck has a show the following Saturday that Darren plans on going to. Normally his group of friends come to Chuck’s shows, too. After all, Darren and Chuck are close enough in age and friendship that they really do share a few friends and run in similar circles. But most of Darren’s friends are working that night or already have plans, and while they all told Chuck they’d cancel them, Chuck assured them that they didn’t have to.

                “You come to enough shows as it is,” he had told them all a few days earlier when everyone went out to dinner.

                So Darren goes alone.

                He shows up early and hangs out with Chuck and the band and it almost feels like old times. For a second Darren forgets that he’s twenty five and an adult with a real job and a real life. It feels like the old times. They all talk about music and recording and writer’s block and the inability to find a chord progression that won’t end with them in court being sued by some late, great, and famous aging rock star.

                When it’s closer to their set time, more of the band’s friends show up. Chuck’s girlfriend (and the other band members’ girlfriends) hangs out backstage with them, but everyone else has firmly seated themselves in a quasi-VIP section in the audience to the left of the stage. Darren heads there with twenty minutes before Freelance Whales takes the stage, giving the band some privacy to prepare themselves for stepping out in front of an audience.

                He finds Chuck’s friends causing a lovely raucous, drinking beer and talking loudly and enjoying the general atmosphere. He shakes some hands and hugs a few of the people before grabbing a beer from the bar and pushing his way through everyone so he can get an unblocked view from the stage. The tech crew is just finishing setting up and doing mic checks when someone walks up to him.

                He looks over and sees that it’s Chris.

                “So I feel like we got off on the wrong foot,” Chris says, looking at Darren like he’s scared he’ll be rejected or ignored.

                Darren smiles. “I think you’re completely right.”

                “Chuck talks about you a lot. So I feel that there’s this unfair advantage where I know you but you don’t know me.”

                Darren nods his head in understanding. “It’s weird that you’ve known Chuck for a year and yet I haven’t met you once. That one night not included,” Darren grins.

                Chris shrugs. “Yeah. I used to be more of a homebody. I was dating someone and he really was the only person I knew after moving here. After we broke up I felt like I lost all my friends, because all my friends were all of _his_ friends. Chuck and I became close then. So really, it’s only been a few months.”

                Darren understands that. He’s been in situations like that, too, where he’s felt like he’s lost friends and confidantes after a breakup. People tend to take sides after a relationship ends, even if it ends amicably.

                “What do you do?” Darren asks to help fill the short gap of silence.

                Chris quirks his eyebrow in confusion.

                “For a living,” Darren amends, smiling a little.

               “That’s a loaded question,” Chris laughs, and it’s Darren’s turn to be confused. “I write. I’ve written a few screenplays. Some TV episodes. I did okay back in LA. I’m sort of slowly moving into books and plays. I really want to write a musical because I haven’t since I was in high school. But to make the big money I actually work as a casting director.”

                “No shit!” Darren says, because that’s sort of the last thing he ever expected to hear.

                “Don’t get any ideas,” Chris smiles, taking a sip of his beer. “I mainly cast children in commercials.”

                Darren laughs, a full belly kind of laugh. “Guess I shouldn’t slip you my headshot on the way out then.”

                “Probably not,” Chris agrees, looking down at Darren. “Though you are kinda short. I bet if you shave that scruff off you could pass for sixteen.”

                “I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not,” Darren grins. “But I don’t particularly know if I want to pass for sixteen.”

                “Think of all the teen dramas you could be a part of. You could be The CW’s next star!”

                “Does The CW even have stars?” Darren retorts.

                “Not since Tom Welling,” Chris sighs wistfully.

                “Ohhh, wow! I totally forgot about him.”

                “A pox on you,” Chris replies casually, though with a faux edge to his voice.

                “I agree,” Darren states. “A pox on me!”

                They both end up laughing, unable to keep a straight face, and the house lights go down as Freelance Whales begins to take the stage. The crowd starts screaming, and Darren and Chris and their whole gang begin cheering and raising their beers in salute.

                The show is awesome. It’s an hour and a half of his brother and his friends rocking out and singing and dancing and jamming. The audience feels the energy and sends it right back and it’s truly inspiring. There are hundreds of people—boys, girls, teens, college kids, parents—singing these lyrics back at the band. Darren weaves in and out of the VIP space; he hangs out with Chris for a little before going to talk with other people and dancing with Chuck’s girlfriend during her favorite song. He buys Chris another beer because he wants to be a gentleman and also because he feels like he owes it to Chris after treating him like an asshole, and they _cheers_ to new beginnings.

                Darren would never admit it, not unless there were a truly sentimental moment he was caught in, but his brother is probably his biggest inspiration. Chuck is awesome and amazing and talented and nice. He’s always pushed Darren to be a better person, to work harder at learning instruments and passing classes, even if the going got hard. Chuck doesn’t just spew meaningful encouragement at Darren, he takes his own advice, too. He worked hard for what he has, and he continues to work hard to keep it and to improve himself. Darren wants to follow his example.

                If there is anyone that Darren would model his life after, it would be Chuck. And it’s moments like this that remind him of that: Chuck onstage belting out some of the best music Darren has ever heard all while being surrounded by the love and support of his closest friends and family.

                Darren considers himself incredibly lucky to be a part of this. To be able to have the support of those around him while he chases his dreams. Sometimes he forgets it, but he’s trying really hard not to.


	6. Chapter 6

                Darren meets up with Julia as often as he can, which is unfortunately not as often as he’d like.

                If there were one person in the world who knew every single one of his secrets, it was Julia. And Joey. Really, they go hand in hand. But there’s something about Julia.

                Darren could go a year without talking to her and the next time he saw her it would be like they never left each other’s sides. If he’s not married by the time he’s thirty-three, and Julia is single, too…well, they’re totally going to get married and have three kids, a yard, and an off-white picket fence with a few holes in it that Darren neglects to ever fix.

                They have this completely planned out.

                So while Julia isn’t always the first to hear about Darren’s crazy escapades or his innermost thoughts, she’s the one whose opinion he values above all others. Even if he doesn’t agree with what she has to say, her tenets of morality are extremely important to him.

                He doesn’t really care if he ignores Joey or pisses Joe off. In the end they’ll both get over it quickly and bro-hug it out. He doesn’t really care if he says an asshole thing to Lauren or if he waves Nick and Moses off. But if he ever screwed up with Julia, it’d pretty much be the end of his world. She’s the person you don’t want to piss off. He thinks it might be because Julia _feels_ too much. She’s the one who doesn’t hand out true friendship to everyone.

                It’s why she’s the one who Darren trusts innately, even if he disagrees with her. She knows more about Darren than even Darren knows about Darren. But she always lays low and lets Darren figure it out on his own. She lets Darren make his own mistakes and find his own solutions.

                Still, she has no problem getting in Darren’s business if she has to.

                “So,” Julia starts, digging into the nachos that are in front of them, “Joey tells me you’ve been having some big sads.”

                Repeat: Julia has _no_ problem butting into Darren’s personal business. Darren doesn’t really have a problem with it either, though.

                “Joey needs to mind his own business,” he retorts nonetheless.

                He can just imagine the conversation between the two: Joey calling Julia one night, or telling her one afternoon when they’re hanging out that she needs to get Darren’s head on straight and tell him to stop being a fucking pussy. Joey isn’t always the most tactful.

                “Maybe Darren needs to mind _his_ own business and figure his shit out,” Julia says as she searches for a nacho with a jalapeno on it. Darren finds a few in front of him and turns the plate around so all the spicy goodness is in front of Julia. She smiles in excitement.

                “Thanks, Juls. Your kindness and effervescence is exalting. I can’t believe your boyfriend called you brash, blunt, and occasionally unfeeling.”

                Julia lightly kicks him from under the table, her face stuck in a semi-permanent bitch glare.

                “Seriously, Darren. What the fuck gives?”

                “It’s not a big deal that I don’t know what I am, right?” It’s not exactly what Darren wanted to say. As a matter of fact, it’s not at all what Darren wanted to say. He was aiming for something closer to, _Nothing. I’m good. Joey’s just being a meddling asshole._ But his brain has this problem where it just word vomits in front of Julia. When she asks a direct question, he almost can’t lie to her or sidestep it.

                “What do you mean what you are? You’re a person,” Julia replies matter of fact as she takes a sip of her beer.

                “Who may or may not be gay, bi, pan, queer et cetera et cetera et cetera.”

                “You’re not a fucking statistic, Darren,” Julia points out. And she must be in a particularly pithy and curt mood, because she’s certainly not trying to spare his feelings. Also, Darren can’t remember the last time she cursed this much. “You talk a big game of not caring about labels. And I honestly think you truly believe it, except when you’re talking about yourself. Big fucking whoop, you like guys and girls. Get over it. Get out of this fucking slump you’ve been in for the past few weeks. It’s weird.”

                Darren sighs heavily and takes a long sip of his IPA.

                “Chuck is good friends with this guy I once fucked,” Darren replies, as if that’s an explanation. He should have known that Julia would not accept it as such.

                “And what does that mean for you?” Julia asks, and Darren isn’t sure if she’s honestly curious or if she’s being a sarcastic fuckwit, but he answers anyway. He knows that at the end of this conversation he’ll walk away with some piece of wisdom or having had some sort of existential breakthrough. That tends to be how it goes with Julia.

                “It means that things got a little too close and personal and it wigged me out for a bit.”

                “For a bit,” Julia replies sardonically rolling her eyes.

                Darren ignores her cynicism and continues on.

                “He’s actually a pretty cool guy.”

                “Who is?” Julia asks, wiping her hands free of sour cream and cheese before looking up and giving Darren her undivided attention.

                “Chris,” Darren replies. “The guy I slept with. He’s actually pretty cool. I sort of wish I never slept with him.”

                “Why’s that?” Julia asks, and Darren can tell her curiosity is completely sincere.

                “So then we could be friends,” he shrugs.

                “And why, pray tell, can you not be friends with a person you’ve fucked?”

                Darren contemplates the question for a second. “I don’t know. I just feel like it’d be weird. But if I had met him before I fucked him, we’d have totally been friends and we’d never have fucked.”

                 “Is it awkward when you two hang out?” Julia probes.

                 Darren plays with his beer glass and thinks back on Chuck’s concert and how everything was dandy. They had already cleared the air at Darren’s show, and he was actually able to just hang out with Chris and not worry about Chuck knowing anything. He felt like he got to know Chris and become privy to a little bit of his personality.

                 “I mean, we’ve never really _hung out_. But I saw him at Chuck’s show and it was fine. He’s fun. He’s funny.”

                 Julia shakes her head in mild annoyance. “Men are so stupid. _You’re_ so stupid. Just be his friend then! If it’s not awkward then there’s really nothing to worry about.”

                 Darren ponders this piece of wisdom for a moment.

                 “Friends,” he says it like he’s trying the term out on his tongue for the first time. He waits to see how it feels and he rolls it around in his head a few times. “Friends,” he repeats. “Yeah. We can do that.”

                 Julia shakes her head, perturbed.

                 “Fucking moron…” she whispers, looking around for the waitress so she can grab another beer.

 

* * *

 

                Like with most things, Julia is right. There is absolutely no reason why Darren can’t be friends with Chris. Neither seem particularly squicked out anymore by their former one night of sexual engagement. And Darren wasn’t lying when he said that Chris seems like a pretty cool person. He _has_ to be if Chuck is hanging out with him regularly. Especially if Chuck chose Chris over his ex-boyfriend Jeremy. So why not try to strike up a friendship? If this were any other situation, he would.

                The only problem lies with the fact that Darren has absolutely no way of contacting Chris, lest he go through Chuck. Which he isn’t exactly sure he wants to do. Not for any other reason than the sheer awkwardness of having to ask his brother to set him up on a playdate. Plus, he’s afraid of any questions that Chuck might ask if Darren asks him for Chris’ number.

                Instead, he plans on doing what he normally does when he wants to befriend one of Chuck’s friends: hang around Chuck often enough to run into said person. Turns out that’s not very hard this time around. Nor does it take as long as Darren expected.

                Chuck throws a party the next week and Darren’s invited. So is Joey, Lauren, and a slew of Darren’s other college friends, most of whom can’t come anyway. It gives Darren the perfect opportunity to naturally seek Chris out and start up a friendship. He’s actually incredibly excited about this. So much so that he and Joey show up early, before the sun even goes down, to help Chuck straighten up and buy some cheap beer.

                “So what’s with tonight?” Darren asks as he and Joey move Chuck’s couch back against the wall.

                Chuck shrugs. “Do I need an excuse to get a bunch of my friends together?”

                “Absolutely not!” Joey interjects, stepping away from the couch and heading into the kitchen. He comes back to the living room a moment later with three chilled cans of PBR in his hands. One he hands to Chuck, the other he tosses across the room to Darren, who catches it effortlessly before muttering his thanks.

                After they finish setting up and Chuck’s roommate gets home from work, they all walk down the street to grab a late dinner. People aren’t coming over until nine-thirty or ten, so they have another hour or so until they have to be back. The weather’s too nice to spend it inside.

* * *

 

                The party is a blast. It’s about fifteen or twenty people crammed into a small SoHo apartment. The music is eclectic, spanning genres and decades, and fills the apartment. It’s loud enough to hear and to dance to, but not so loud that it drowns out conversation. Joey gets caught up with a few friends of Chuck’s that he really admires, and Lauren and Chuck’s girlfriend are in cahoots on the small ‘balcony’ (i.e. fire escape) outside the living room. It gives Darren the perfect opening to go up to Chris, who’s currently talking with Alex Bravo and his girlfriend Anya. Darren sees Chris’ hands are suspiciously empty, so he heads into the kitchen and grabs two bottles of beer from his private stash and opens them.

                He makes his way over to Chris, lightly bumping his shoulder to announce his presence. He hands the bottle over to Chris, who seems momentarily confused, and slinks their bottles together.

                “Cheers!” he says, taking a sip.

                Chris cocks his head in question.

                “Thought you might need a refill,” Darren explains.

                Chris appraises the bottle, looking curiously at the label.

                “What happened to the piss water?” he asks, a sly smile intact.

                “Piss water is still here if you’d prefer.”

                “No,” Chris responds, taking a long sip and sighing contentedly. “I think I’d much rather prefer this.”

                Darren smiles congenially, and it’s at that moment that he realizes that Alex and Anya are no longer there. They must have walked away earlier without him noticing.

                “So what did I do to receive this star treatment?” Chris asks.

                “Your hands looked lonely without a drink,” Darren replies. “I was grabbing one for me and I thought I might as well get one for you.”

                “Which is much appreciated, by the way,” Chris concludes.

                Darren smiles in thanks. He’s not quite sure what to say next, and he’s three seconds away from talking about the weather when Chris puts him out of his misery.

                “So I didn’t have a chance to tell you this before, but you put on one hell of a show.”

                “Yeah?” Darren asks, eyebrow raised in interest.

                “Yeah,” Chris replies. “It was a lot of fun. I was incredibly impressed by you. Especially your original stuff.”

                “Wow,” Darren exhales, truly touched. “Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.”

                “Chuck told me you work in theatre, though?” Chris says, and it sounds more like a question than a statement. Darren angles himself so he’s no longer standing next to Chris but in front of him.

                “Yeah,” he says, taking a sip of his beer. “I was stuck for awhile on which direction to go, but I ended up landing a theatre job after college and…well,” he shrugs.

                “Been doing it ever since?” Chris concludes.

                “Basically,” Darren chuckles. “Don’t get me wrong! I love it. I wouldn’t have kept up with it if I didn’t. And the music thing is great right now because I can just do it on my own terms, y’know?”

                Chris shakes his head slightly. “Not really. I’m not very educated on the inner workings of the music industry.”

                Darren nods his head in understanding. “With music, when you have a record deal, there’s a lot of… _pressure_ ,” he decides on. “And there are deadlines. And expectations and responsibilities. And one day I’d like that. But right now, that I represent myself, it’s easier. Because I’m the one that decides what I want. I don’t have to put out an album I am not happy with just because my record label set a release date I didn’t want anyway. I don’t have to stick to certain genres. I can just do whatever I want, whenever I want to.”

                “So you want to be the one in control of your own music,” Chris concludes.

                “Yeah. Exactly.”

                “And you like your job, right? Acting and singing.”

                “I love it,” Darren says, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’m blown away every day basically that I’m able to do this. That I’m able to support myself by being an actor.”

                Chris’ smile is somber and betrays an understanding that Darren wants to ask about, but isn’t able to before Chris starts talking again.

                “Then what more could you ask for?” Chris replies rhetorically, his eyes shining.

                Darren nods in agreement. “I feel like we’ve been talking about me for too long. It’s weird. What about you?”

                “What about me?” Chris asks, slightly taken aback.

                “Life story, obviously,” Darren replies exaggeratedly.

                “Raised by wolves in the jungle until I met and fell in love with a dashing young—and scantily clothed—woman who took me to her village and showed me the way of her people. It’s been an uphill battle since then, but I can say with complete honesty that I’m one hundred percent reformed. Minus cleanliness, that is. I still prefer to lick myself clean than bathe.”

                “I agree,” Darren responds with faux seriousness. “My bathing habits have led me to obtaining some really remarkable traits, as well.”

                “Such as what?” Chris says, grabbing the bait.

                Darren grins wickedly and leans in ever so closer.

                “You see, I’ve become incredibly flexible.”

                Chris’ eyes widen in pretend shock. “Me too!” He almost yells back. “Let me tell you, I can turn my head almost completely around and lick clean my neck. I’m loath to lose that kind of elasticity.”

                “I’ll drink to that,” Darren says, lifting up his bottle in salute.

                “I would, too, but alas—I’m all out. Again. Lead me to the piss water?” Chris requests.

                Darren gleefully walks Chris to the kitchen, waving hi to a few of the people he walks past.

                “Hey!” Chuck says when they walk into the kitchen. “Having fun?”

                “Absolutely,” Chris replies. “Just came to get some more beer.”

                “Awesome.” Chuck’s in the kitchen talking to a friend of his, and he moves to the side when Darren goes to reach for the fridge behind him.

                Chris walks towards the trash can that’s empty and filled with ice—a makeshift cooler—to grab a PBR.

                “Please don’t subject yourself to that,” Darren says as he pulls two more beers out of the fridge. His bottle opener is attached to the carabineer that’s connected to the loophole on his jeans, and he grabs it and pops open one of the bottles before handing it to Chris.

                “Well now I just feel spoiled,” Chris says, grabbing the bottle anyway.

                “It’s purely for selfish reasons,” Darren responds. “I’m buying your time. See, now that I’ve plied you with the good beer, you’re going to feel indebted to me and therefore spend the rest of the night with me exploring your wild and feral childhood.”

                “I’m not sure I could do it justice, but I guess I have to try,” Chris smiles.

                They spend the rest of the night together talking and learning about each other. When the party gets a bit too loud to hear each other speak and they slowly move onto more serious subjects than favorite movies and TV shows, Darren leads Chris to the back of the apartment and through Chuck’s room.

                There’s another more private fire escape there if you climb out of Chuck’s window. The weather is nice, if not a bit nippy, so he hands Chris his zip up and grabs one of Chuck’s for himself. They hang out there long after their beers are finished and the people have left, and they don’t come back in until Chuck and his girlfriend come in and kick them out so they can sleep.

                Chuck offers the couch in the living room for them to crash, but Chris declines, saying he’d rather go home and sleep in his own bed. It makes it easier for Darren to say no, too. Instead he and Chris look up when the next subway comes. They both need a different train, but thankfully they need to go to the same station, so they walk together.

                Right before Darren walks away from Chris to head to his own platform, he asks for Chris’ number.

                “In case you remember any other torrid details from your life in the wilderness,” he smiles, wide and unashamed.

                Chris laughs quietly and puts his number in Darren’s phone.

                “Of course,” he says. “I wouldn’t want to leave you hanging.”

                Darren gets home about an hour later and he contemplates whether it’s worth it to stay up for the sunrise or not. In the end sleep wins out and he spends the night dreaming in colors and symphonies.


	7. Chapter 7

                Darren isn’t ashamed to admit it: he texts Chris the next day.

                He’s able to hold off until the afternoon, not wanting to attack Chris too early in the morning. Plus, to be honest, he doesn’t wake up until almost noon anyway. He takes a shower and grabs some lunch before shooting Chris a text saying that he had a lot of fun the night before.

                Same. Chris replies. I also somehow managed to steal your hoodie.

**Quite an adept thief you are. I feel inclined to tell you that there’s a secret pocket inside the hoodie. Right breast. In case you ever need to hide something.**

Your honesty has made me feel inclined to tell you that there’s 32$ in that pocket

**That’s what I was afraid of. Oh well. Now it’s lost for good**

I don’t know if I’d say that, Chris responds, and Darren can’t stop smiling as he sits at the dining room table.

                **Would you be so kind as to return it? Obviously I’d give you a reward**

**** Hmmm. I don’t know. How about this: I’ll give you back the hoodie—though it is quite comfortable. As for the money…

**Do I need to table dance for it?** Darren asks jokingly. He likes that he’s able to have fun with Chris even though they don’t know each other so well. He likes that they share a similar sense of humor. He likes that Chris just _gets_ him.

                While I like that idea, I’m thinking we might save that for later. Instead I was hoping I could take that 32$ and use it to take you out…

Darren gasps loudly and he lightly drops his phone onto the table, leaning forward and looking at the screen again. He’s not sure if this is Chris asking him out on a date, but he’s also pretty fucking sure that this is Chris asking him out on a date.

                _Maybe it’s a friend date_ , he thinks. _Or maybe it’s a real date._

                He takes a few short seconds to create a fitting reply, but he doesn’t wait too long to send it off because he doesn’t want Chris to think he’s stalling.

                **So you’re going to use my money to buy us dinner? =P I guess I can get behind it. Though if it goes over 32$, the rest is on you!**

Deal, Chris responds.

                And Darren squeals. He fucking _squeals_.

* * *

 

They plan for Wednesday of that week, mainly because they feel like Monday is too soon and neither of them are free on Tuesday. So Wednesday it is.

                Darren is incredibly excited. He is really, super, totally, incredibly, and amazingly excited. He spends the first part of the week actually walking on air. He’s sure that his feet don’t touch the ground once. It sort of freaks Joey out, this extra pep in his step. But Darren just smiles widely and hugs Joey extra hard, and Joey eventually wanders off the couch and into his own room to avoid Darren’s strange behavior.

                Darren doesn’t feel like explaining it to Joey. It’s not that he’s actively keeping this date a secret, it’s just that Joey has helped him out so much the past few weeks with Chris. Plus, Darren finally feels comfortable and at ease with the whole situation, so he’s ready to take back control. He’s ready to have his life belong to him. It’s not imperative that he share this upcoming date with Joey or Julia or any of his friends, really. He wants to see how it goes and see what happens. For all he knows it will turn out to be a total bust and they’ll both realize that they work much better as friends than anything else.

                So for now Darren is liking the idea of being the captain of his own ship and steering himself in whatever direction he wants, without the nosy (albeit nice, friendly, and helpful) gaze of onlookers. He’s taken his friends’ advice enough. Now it’s time for him to take his own.

                And this advice involves basically dancing through life until Wednesday evening comes. He and Chris text sporadically until then, engaging in mostly silly and superficial conversation, but occasionally gleaning important facts from each other. Darren learns that Chris has a younger sister, and Darren lets it slip that he once lived in Hawaii.

                By the time Tuesday night comes around, Darren is dying to know what the plans for Wednesday entail, and he asks Chris as much.

                **What’s the plan for Wednesday?**

                You’ll willingly give me your address and I’ll pick you up by 7, Chris texts him.

                **Dress code?** Darren inquires.

                Clothes are a must, yes, Chris replies, and Darren grins like a smitten schoolgirl.

                Don’t get too crazy, though. Remember, we only have a 32$ limit =P

                **Duly noted. I will be sure to return my three piece to the closet from whence it came.**

                He follows that text up with his address and tells Chris to text him when he gets there so that Darren can buzz him up. He then tells Chris that he could also sneak in with someone else if the opportunity arises. Darren’s apartment building is far from nice; there’s no doorman, no highfalutin front desk manager, and no security. It’s really not that hard to ride the coattails of someone else and walk in behind them.

                After that he bids Chris adieu and retires to the living room where Joey is—unsurprisingly—sitting on the couch and watching TV. Darren rolls his eyes as he puts a light jacket on and checks himself out in the full length mirror they have unceremoniously placed in the living room.

                “Going somewhere?” Joey asks, barely looking away from an old _X-Files_ episode.

                “Grabbing a late dinner with some work friends,” Darren says, checking to make sure he has his wallet before rushing out the door.

                “Bye!” Joey calls from behind him.

                Darren waves as he leaves and takes the stairs down two at a time, excited to get to the restaurant to talk theatre with his friends. It’ll be a good distraction from all the nervous (and happy) energy floating around his head because of Chris.

* * *

 

                It doesn’t hit Darren until 6:30 on Wednesday evening, as he’s frantically emptying the contents of his closet to find a perfect shirt, that Joey is home.

                _Joey is home_ and Chris is going to be picking Darren up in less than thirty minutes.

                And of course, because it’s Joey, Joey is situated on the couch…shirtless…eating Fruit Loops…and watching an 80s gore movie.

                Darren has to listen to the screams of teenage female virgins being murdered while he styles his hair in the shitty mirror that’s basically glued onto his wall (it was there when he moved it).

                He wants to ask Joey to leave or hide in his room or put a shirt on at least, but he knows that doing any of the above will just raise suspicion, and he doesn’t really want that. So he can play it cool. In general there’s nothing really _that_ shady about a friend meeting up with Darren at his house. It’s not like Chris is going to show up with flowers or anything… _is he?_

Thus commences Darren’s (minor) freakout.

                He’s able to tamp down on it pretty quickly, because Chris is supposed to be there soon and Darren’s still getting ready. He walks out into the living room so he can check himself out in the full length mirror and make sure he looks okay. He's not quite sure what the plan for tonight is, but Darren still wants to look good. He wants to look good and be comfortable. He is wearing dark wash jeans that fit snugly, yet still leave room to breathe, and he matches them with a casual plaid button up. It’s warm enough outside that a heavy coat isn’t necessary, but it’s still chilly enough to need something to guard him from the wind. So he pairs the outfit with a light forest green cardigan that really shouldn’t work, but totally does. When he okays his [outfit](http://www.outfittrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Mens-casual-fashion-ideas.jpg) he scuffles back into his room to throw on a pair of boots, grab his wallet, and spritz on some cologne.

                He’s not really nervous. Not after having a few minutes to calm down while getting dressed. He’s a bit anxious to see what happens when Chris picks him up. But if Chris does something to allude to the fact that this is more than just a friendly encounter, Darren will be okay with that. _So what if Joey finds out?_ He thinks to himself, checking himself out in the small mirror in his bedroom one more time.

                He’s about to head back into the living room and sit with Joey when he gets a text from Chris saying that he’s in the building and heading up to Darren’s apartment. Darren bypasses the living room and calls out a quick goodbye to Joey.

                “See you tonight,” Darren says as he opens his front door.

                “Oh!” Chris says, hand in the middle of the air. “I was just about to knock.”

                Darren smiles. “I can tell,” he says, looking back and forth between Chris’ face and his hand, which is still balled in a fist and raised in the air. “You can put down the weapon. The door’s already open,” Darren smiles.

                “Oh. Right. Yeah. Yes,” Chris stutters out, his cheeks rosy. “Uhm. Yeah. _Anyway_ ,” he laughs, his voice breathy and high.

                Darren could totally get used to that laugh, and that blush.

                “Shall we?” Darren asks, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door behind him.

                Chris chuckles nervously for a second before turning around and walking back to the stairs. “Yeah. Definitely. You hungry?”

                “Absolutely. You?”

                Chris rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t, but after walking up fourteen flights of stairs I could probably eat a cow.”

                “Six,” Darren corrects. “Six. You walked up _six_ flights of stairs.”

                “I did. And I regret it. I honestly hope you don’t expect me to walk you up tonight. Because I don’t have that sort of stamina,” Chris laments semi-sarcastically.

                “Imagine having to carry groceries,” Darren points out congenially as he hops down the stairs.

                Chris’ eyes go wide as saucers. “ _NO._ ” He gasps.

                “Oh yeah,” Darren replies. “If you want a workout you can go shopping with me. Do you know what it’s like having to carry six bags of food up these steps?”

                “I have a sudden and deep appreciation for my third story apartment in a building with an elevator. Even if all of my windows look out onto brick walls.”

                Darren shrugs as he jumps down the last few steps and hops over to the door, opening it and motioning for Chris to go through first. “At least you won’t ever have any nosy neighbors peeking in at you while you change.”

                Chris purses his lips for a second as he leads Darren down the street. “Please tell me that there’s a story behind that, because my brain is conjuring up all sorts of images.”

                “So I’ve put on a few shows,” Darren says mock seriously and trying not to break out into laughs and smiles. “There’s nothing wrong with entertaining the masses.”

                Chris shakes his head fondly, grinning widely as walks beside Darren. “I’m sure you’ve scandalized many an old lady.”

                “Someone has to,” Darren replies. “It might as well be me.”

                “I’ll remember that the next time I want to give my grandmother a heart attack. You can do a little semi-nude shimmy-shake in her direction.”

                “I could turn this into a lucrative business. Really, I don’t know why I haven’t.”

                “You certainly don’t lack in humility,” Chris snorts affectionately.

                Darren lightly pushes his shoulder and laughs. _This is fun_ , he thinks. _This is a lot of fun._

                He takes a deep breath, inhaling the smells of spring and sunlight, before changing the subject.

                “So I conveniently forgot to tell you how good you look,” Darren says.

                “You’re right. We’ve known each other awhile and you have yet to tell me how good I look,” Chris replies, shoulder bumping Darren and turning down a corner onto another street.

                “I meant tonight, but I guess in general you’re not bad looking.”

                “I had that on my acting resume when I was a teenager: _not bad looking_.”

                “I’m sure that scored you loads of roles,” Darren continues, still unable to stop grinning.

                “I was fighting them off left and right,” Chris replies sarcastically. “But thank you. You look pretty good yourself.”

                It’s Darren’s turn to blush now, and it’s amazing what hearing such a small compliment can do to him. It’s nice to know that Chris was looking at him and appreciated what he saw. It gives Darren the chills, in a good way, and he does a little skip-dance down the street for a second before turning around and facing Chris, a few steps ahead of him.

                “Ants in your pants?” Chris asks as he walks, eyebrows quirked in friendliness.

                “Nope,” Darren says standing still, popping the ‘p.’ “I’m just super happy right now.”

                Chris nods for a moment as he catches up to Darren, and Darren thinks that Chris is examining the situation. When Darren turns around so he can keep walking with Chris, he feels Chris grab his hand. Darren’s smile deepens and he interlaces their fingers.

                “Good,” Chris says. “Me, too.”

* * *

 

                Dinner is good. Dinner is _real_ good. It’s at one of those hole-in-the-wall restaurants that look like it should be closed down for violating health sanctions, but is actually incredibly tasty and fun with a low-key atmosphere and people laughing and having a good time all around you.

                Conversation between him and Chris never reaches an awkward standstill, though there are a few moments of companionable silence. And it’s nice, because not once does Darren feel the need to interject with some random factoid or conversation starter. He feels safe and happy in those silences, not awkward or anxious. It feels good to be able to just take a minute to scoot back in his chair and look over at Chris and smile, and not have to worry about saying anything. He can enjoy the moment—savor it.

                When the bill comes Chris takes it without Darren even able to attempt to intercept it. Chris puts down his credit card before placing the bill back on the table and looking back up at Darren.

                “Check come out to more than thirty-two dollars?” Darren asks, sly smile in place. He gently kicks his one foot out so it rests against Chris’ and their legs can knock into each other and rest against each other.

                “Wouldn’t you like to know,” Chris responds, his eyes twinkling.

                “Well, I guess not only will I not be getting my money back, but I sense that my sweatshirt is lost forever, too.”

                “Oh no, not at all. I conveniently left it at my place,” Chris replies, leaning forward and resting his arms on the table.

                “Yeah? And why’s that?” Darren asks, still relaxed and leaning against his chair.

                “Because now you’ll have to come to my place to get it,” Chris winks.

                _He fucking winks_.

                Darren is a goner.


	8. Chapter 8

                When they leave the restaurant it’s dark outside, but it’s not late and the city is still alive and bustling. There’s a chill in the air, but it’s not so bad that Darren feels even remotely cold. He feels refreshed.

                Chris grabs his hand as they walk down the street, and for the first time in probably forever, Darren realizes that he doesn’t even care. On the way to the restaurant and on the way back, he’s holding hands with a guy. In the middle of the city. And he really doesn’t give a fuck. Let people think what they want. He’s happy, and that’s all that matters. So he squeezes Chris’ hand tighter and looks at him and smiles.

                “This is fun,” he says. He doesn’t need to play hard to get. He doesn’t _want_ to. He wants to be able to just lay it out on the table so Chris knows exactly where he’s at.

                “It’s about to get even more fun,” Chris hints, rubbing his thumb over Darren’s. The intimacy of it makes Darren shiver.

                When they get to Chris’ apartment Chris tells Darren to get comfortable, which basically only means taking off his shoes. He leaves them by the door and follows Chris into the kitchen.

                “I feel like I should offer you something to drink,” Chris says, leaning against the counter.

                “You can,” Darren shrugs from across the kitchen. “But I really don’t want anything.”

                He takes slow steps towards Chris, but he’s pretty sure that his intent is obvious.

                Chris smiles knowingly but makes no attempt at moving, just leaning back against the counter and watching as Darren walks towards him. It kind of totally turns Darren on, being able to take this initiative. He walks up to Chris and places his hands on either side of him, against the counter, so he’s blocking Chris in. He’s smiling goofy, looking up at Chris, and it’s the first time that he realizes how much taller Chris is than him.

                “So,” Darren says, letting it hang in the air.

                “So,” Chris replies, smiling kindly down at him. “Just gonna stand there all night?”

                Darren takes the bait and he pushes himself up a bit and places the lightest kiss on the corner of Chris’ mouth before moving so he can kiss the other corner.

                “I could,” Darren breathes. “But I have some more inventive ways to spend our time.”

                Chris laughs, moving his hands to Darren’s hips and squeezing before closing the distance for good.

                When Chris kisses him it’s deep but soft. Darren opens his mouth almost immediately, letting Chris in. He moves his hands to Chris’ back and grasps onto him tightly, pulling the shirt free from Chris’ pants. Darren pushes himself up a little more so that he’s standing on his toes. He wants to get closer to Chris, but it’s really not possible unless he wants to detach their mouths—which is something he _really_ doesn’t want to do.

                Chris kisses tenderly, but he’s not afraid to add pressure. He goes back and forth from taking his time and enjoying it to practically ravishing Darren. This is so much different than the last time they kissed—for so many different reasons. First off, they’re sober. And secondly, Darren actually cares about how Chris feels. He doesn’t want to take take _take_. He makes sure that Chris is comfortable and enjoying it. When Darren takes control of the kiss again, he makes sure to listen to the way Chris moans and the way his body reacts so that he can adjust himself accordingly. When he kisses behind Chris’ ear and doesn’t get much of a response, he doesn’t dwell there, even though it’s a favorite spot of his to lick and nip. Instead he makes his way down Chris’ neck, exploring as he goes, until he finds a spot on the underside of Chris’ neck that leaves Chris moaning loudly.

                And this time it’s not a means to an end. They aren’t _going_ anywhere with this (except hopefully the couch, because that would be fun). Darren isn’t itching to disrobe Chris or to get him off. He’s being careful not to grind into Chris or have their pelvises meet. He just wants to kiss Chris and be kissed by Chris.

                They stay like that for what feels like half an hour, but is actually closer to ten minutes, just kissing and occasionally laughing and teasing, when Chris pulls back and starts talking.

                “So I have to admit, this really was not my—my—my…intention, when I invited you back here.”

                Darren kisses the side of Chris’ neck a few times, unable to pull himself completely away.

                “So what was your intention?” he asks, grasping onto Chris’ hips, his thumbs resting in Chris’ belt loops.

                “I honestly was planning on giving you your sweater,” Chris chuckles, his face red and his neck splotchy.

                “You still can give it back to me. This was just…a detour.”

                “A very good detour, might I add.”

                “My favorite kind of detour,” Darren agrees as he leans up to kiss Chris one more time. It inevitably turns into three or four deep kisses until Darren pushes himself away. “Sweatshirt. Yes. I came here for a sweatshirt. We were talking about a sweatshirt.”

                Chris shakes his head fondly and starts walking past Darren, grabbing his hand as he passes.

                “It’s in my bedroom. And _no_ , that is not an invitation to debauch me on my mattress.”

                “What about me? Can you debauch me?” Darren asks, partly to be cheeky, but also because he’s sort of curious.

                Chris opens the door to his bedroom and drops Darren hand before turning around to look at him. “Hmmm. Yes. I like that idea. Not tonight though. I’m classy,” he winks and turns around, grabbing something off his bed.

                He hands it to Darren and it’s his sweatshirt, nicely folded.

                “I washed it,” Chris replies. “So it’s clean.”

                “Thanks,” Darren replies graciously, taking the sweater from Chris.

                “Anyway,” Chris continues. “I have a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in my freezer if that interests you?”

                Darren takes half a second to think about it. He’d rather be locking lips with Chris, but he also wants to respect Chris’ wishes. And even though they’ve had sex before, it really is just a first date. It’s not even like he and Chris have been friends forever. They’re still getting to know each other. So yeah, ice cream sounds good.

                “Nothing like some good food with some great company,” Darren settles on.

                He and Chris spend the rest of the night sharing a pint of Half Baked on Chris’ couch and talking. Darren leaves at eleven when Chris’ roommate comes home, causing both boys to look at the clock.

                “Shit,” Darren says, utterly confounded. “When did it get this late?”

                “You’re far too cunning a conversationalist,” Chris replies. “This is all your fault.”

                They both stand up and Chris introduces Darren to his roommate before walking Darren to the front door.

                “This was fun,” Chris says, standing idly in front of Darren.

                “A blazing success,” Darren agrees. “One I hope can be repeated?”

                “I’d like that,” Chris answers.

                Darren stands there for a second wavering, until he quickly darts forward and kisses Chris goodbye softly.

                “Thanks for tonight,” he says quietly, still leaning close to Chris. “It was…special.”

                Chris nods dumbly but happily.

                “Here,” he says, handing Darren something. “Don’t forget your sweater.”

                Darren grabs it and puts his shoes on before squeezing Chris’ hand and leaving.

                When he gets home and goes to hang his sweater in his closet, he hears some rustling in the inside pocket. When he opens it up he sees a small wad of cash and a note. He opens the note first.

                _Hey Darren,_

_Here’s your 32$. I’m not so trashy that I’d actually use your money to take you out on a date ; ). Though hopefully we had such a great time that you are missing me already and already planning our next engagement._

_Just so you know, I like British royalty, baked goods, castles and chateaus’, and wine coolers (but dear god, please keep this a secret. If anyone finds out that my guilty pleasure is Arbor Mist, my friends will have my balls…literally)._

_\--Chris_

                Darren grins wider than he’s ever grinned before and does a really strange happy twirl before falling onto his bed.

                Yeah, this is definitely something he can work with.

* * *

 

                The next day Darren wakes up early for rehearsal. The musical he’s rehearsing for begins its run soon, and Darren is looking forward to it. Nothing makes him happier than being able to act on stage and in front of an audience. It’s not an original show he’s doing, but it’s a revival of a great musical, and Darren is absolutely loving being able to put a new spin on a classic character and make it his own. It’s a limited three month run, with the hopes of extending it to a fourth month, which is perfect for Darren. He loves being able to work on a show for a few months and then bounce off to the next one.

                He’s playing Kenneth Gibson in _Call Me Madam_ opposite some truly amazing actors, some already well-established and others up-and-coming. He honestly never expected to land such a great role so early in his career, but he’s certainly making the most of it. Being able to act in a musical whose score was written by Irving Berlin? Darren is literally over the moon. He’s walking on sunshine. There’s a lot of reasons why Darren lives his life with a near perpetual smile, and this is most certainly one of them.

                During rehearsals Darren keeps his phone on silent and far away from him. Depending on what he’s working on that day it will either be in his bag in a green room, or just hanging out on one of the chairs in the audience. So he doesn’t see his phone until he takes a lunch break and is able to grab it and relax for a few minutes.

                Obligatory morning text to break any tension there might be and let you know—again—how much fun I had last night.

                Darren doesn’t even try to hide his grin at that. Had he not woken up at the crack of dawn he most certainly would have been the one to text Chris. But he didn’t want to, afraid that a six in the morning message might wake him up.

                **Obligatory response reminding you that I also had fun last night and would like to repeat it again.**

**Also, I enjoyed that little note *insert blush slash flirty gaze***

Wow. I’m stunned by your magnificent stare. 

**I know. I tend to have that effect.**

                I was afraid when we first met that you were going to be too meek and mild mannered. Clearly I was correct in that assumption.

                **It’s true. They don’t call me Demure Darren for nothing**

                Darren has to wait a few minutes until the next response comes, and he bides his time by eating some of his lunch and checking his email.

                As much as I’d like to continue this conversation, work calls and I must retreat.

                **Crazy child star not happy with his croissant?**

You joke, but it’s not funny. I’m dealing with a miniature Katherine Heigl

                **I wish I knew what that meant.**

You’ve never seen Grey’s Anatomy?

                **My roommate has…**

We’ll need to work on that. Got to go!

                Darren texts a goodbye and he has to bite his tongue to stop from writing more. He wants to ask what it means to be like Katherine Heigl. He wants to ask Chris what’s going on with work and why it’s so stressful right now.

                He also wants to invite Chris to his gig on Saturday. It’s nothing big, nothing big at all. It’s more in line with what he normally does. It’s a small gig at a local bar/venue with a bunch of local acts. It’s a lot of fun, though. Darren doesn’t get paid much, but he can push some CDs and he gets free drinks and he’s normally able to get his friends in for free, too. If not, it’s only normally ten or twenty bucks.

                He wants to invite Chris because he thinks it will be fun. But he’s also a little concerned about what it could mean. They’ve only been on one date and no one knows about it. At least not on Darren’s side. Plus, Chuck will be at that gig. And Chuck knows _nothing_.

                Still…he wants Chris at that gig. And really, it’s not like Chuck’s not going to find out sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts so far?


	9. Chapter 9

                “What happened to _The X-Files_?” Darren asks Saturday morning when he walks into the living room with his bowl of cereal. He plops down next to Joey and eyes the television.

                Normally Joey’s watching Saturday morning cartoons. If he’s not then he’s marathoning one of the many strange, unusual, or totally expected TV shows that he likes to consume his time with. Recently it’s been _The X-Files_. Before that it was _Veronica Mars_.

                “I’m still watching it,” Joey replies, folding his legs onto the couch pretzel style.

                Darren turns back to the TV. “This doesn’t look like _The X-Files_ ,” he comments.

                “That’s because it’s not. This is _Gilmore Girls._ ”

                “That’s a teenage girl show,” Darren replies without any heat. Really, this isn’t that surprising.

                “I needed a break from _The X-Files_. I almost had a nightmare last night.”

                Darren nods his head and watches the TV as he spoons mouthfuls of Raisin Bran. They sit in companionable silence for a few minutes watching as a girl named Rory considers the pros and cons of going to Harvard versus Yale.

                “So what’s the plan tonight?” Joey asks when the episode comes to an end. Darren notices that instead of clicking to watch the next episode that he turns the Netflix off and hands Darren the remote.

                “Show’s at eight. I probably won’t be on until nine. Come whenever.”

                Joey nods and stands up, adjusting his boxers and scratching his balls. Darren wouldn’t care except that he’s doing it literally right in front of Darren, who’s sitting on the couch eye level with Joey’s dick.

                “Aight. See you there,” Joey says as he walks down the hallway and into his room.

                Darren grabs a second bowl of cereal and then washes his dishes when he’s done so he can head to the shower. He has plans to grab lunch with Chris today. He hasn’t seen him since Wednesday, but he’s talked to him on the phone twice and they’ve been texting nonstop.

                He’s been thinking, ever since he took the plunge and invited Chris to the show, what—or even _if_ —he’ll tell Chris about how to act. He still hasn’t come out to Chuck, and Chris knows it. But he also hasn’t had the chance to sit down and talk with Chris about expectations and what they want out of his relationship. Hell, they haven’t even decided if they are in a relationship.

                Whenever Darren starts thinking about this, though, he just remembers that they’ve only been on one date and that it’s really not worth it to freak out about anything. He’s done with freaking out. He’d decided that weeks ago.

                But still, he wants to make sure that he and Chris are on the same page for tonight, so he plans on bringing it up at lunch. He just hopes that he doesn’t sound like too much of an asshole when he does.

* * *

 

                “So about tonight…”

                It’s probably not the most succinct way to bring it up, but they’ve just spent the last hour talking and catching up, and it’s time.

                “What about tonight?” Chris asks warily, leaning back in his chair. It puts a little bit of distance between them, which Darren doesn’t want. But he also doesn’t feel like it would be right to grab Chris’ hand now, right before he tells him that he wants to pretend they’re not dating.

                “I just…Chuck is going to be there,” Darren chokes out.

                “I know that,” Chris replies, eyebrows furrowed. “We talk.”

                “Right. Yeah. That’s not what I meant. But uhm…” Darren’s struggling for words a bit, but only because he wants to make sure that whatever he says is honest and nice and isn’t going to make Chris feel like shit and think Darren’s a shitty person. And there’s nothing Darren hates more than not being understood. He doesn’t want Chris to take his words maliciously.

                “If you’re worried about me…outing you,” Chris decides on, “I told you before that I would never do that.”

                “I know,” Darren says, playing with the straw in his water. “But that was _before_.”

                “Darren,” Chris says seriously, grabbing Darren’s hand. “I—I—I, it still stands, that…offer. Mum’s the word. I knew this going into this. I knew that Chuck doesn’t know and I still want to…date you.”

                Darren nods his head, a sudden onslaught of affection hitting him, and he squeezes Chris’ hand a little.

                “Thank you,” he says, his voice a little scratchy. “I’m sorry. I’m not keeping you a secret, I swear. It’s just…early.”

                Chris nods his head in understanding. “Darren, this isn’t just _early_. It’s practically non-existent. _One date_. Trust me I’d rather keep this more of a—more of a secret than blast it out to all of our friends. Let’s just wait and see where this goes before we worry ourselves and add more pressure.”

                “You really are the best,” Darren says.

                Chris chuckles and leans forward a bit, still holding Darren’s hand over the table. “You’re not half bad yourself.”

* * *

 

                Darren gets to the venue at seven-thirty and gets himself situated. He waits backstage while everything gets set up. He doesn’t have a full band with him tonight. He’s borrowing one of the drummers for two cover songs, but the rest of his set is just him and his guitar. There’s not much for him to do except mingle and network and grab a drink. Joey’s coming in a bit with one box of merch, and his friends will follow shortly after—Chris included.

                Chris and Chuck are going together. Turns out that Chuck actually invited Chris to the show before Darren even invited Chris.

                “I was waiting to see if you were going to tell me about it,” Chris had said over the phone earlier that week. “If you didn’t then I was going to just tell Chuck that I couldn’t go.”

                It’s a bit weird that Chris is so close to Chuck, but now that he and Chris are getting closer, Darren doesn’t think it bothers him that much, though he’s hoping that pretty soon Chris will be closer with him than he is with Chuck. Though the idea that Chuck probably talks about him to Chris is slightly unnerving. He’s not sure how he feels about being Chuck’s _kid brother_ and the butt of all Chuck’s jokes. But Chris hasn’t ever mentioned being told any embarrassing stories, so Darren hopes that he’s not a usual point of conversation between them.

                In the meantime he’s enjoying getting to know Chris. It’s been awhile since he’s _dated_ someone. Yeah, he’s gone on _dates_. But for the past few years he’s been much more focused on his dick than his heart. He’s cared a lot more about having sex than being in a relationship. It was a bit strange to his friends at first, as Darren was always known for being a serial monogamist; he always had someone that he was ‘in love with’ or that he was dating or courting or flirting shamelessly with in an attempt to garner their affection. So when he made the switch to one night stands, his friends were completely confused. They were shocked even more when it turned out to not be much of a phase. It’s been three years since Darren has had a serious, introduce-them-to-the-parents, take-them-home-for-the-holidays relationship. He's had nothing that’s lasted for longer than four or five months.

                And he doesn’t want to be cocky, and he certainly doesn’t want to doom a relationship that hasn’t even started, but he’s pretty sure that Chris could be that person—that take-them-home-for-Christmas person

* * *

 

                By the time everyone gets to the bar, the first band is on. Darren is the third of seven artists, which is a decent spot to be in. He prefers ending a show, but he also likes getting it out of the way early while people are mostly sober and listening closely. Plus, it gives him the rest of the night to listen to live music and drink and dance and hang out with friends.

                He plays for twenty-five minutes. He doesn’t stop much to talk to the crowd. It’s not the type of show where he needs to. He introduces himself at the beginning and reminds people who he is at the end of his set, but the rest is just him jamming and dancing. He gets a few hoots and hollers when he plays covers of popular songs, and he winks at the girl in the front who keeps making hilariously inappropriate sexual gestures during his rendition of ‘When I Get You Alone.’

                Afterwards he takes an exaggerated bow and packs his guitar up so he can head out to the floor and greet his friends.

                “Great set,” Chuck says, pulling Darren into a half hug.

                “Thanks,” Darren replies, smiling widely and patting his brother affectionately on the shoulder. “I’m glad you could come!”

                Standing behind Chuck is Chris, who offers up a short wave and a ghost of a smile when Darren looks up at him.

                “Good show,” he says, keeping his distance.

                Darren can’t help but grin, casting his eyes down momentarily in a moment of bashfulness.

                “Thanks,” he replies.

                He doesn’t have time to say anything else because Lauren comes barreling over to him, jumping on his back with a can of beer in her one hand. Darren immediately grabs her thighs, hoisting her up, careful to not jostle her enough to let the beer spill—or even worse, fall to the ground.

                “Howdy, partner,” she says, kissing his cheek.

                “Something tells me you’ve had a few beers already,” Darren chuckles, turning his face so he can place a light kiss on Lauren’s lips.

                “Just one or two,” Lauren replies, hopping off of Darren’s back. “Care to buy a lady another one?”

                Darren shakes his head fondly, rolling his eyes at Chris who is looking at the scene before him in relaxed enjoyment. “Anyone want a beer while I head over?”

                “I’ll come with,” Chris says, walking forward. “I could use another drink. Chuck?” he asks.

                “Nah, I’m good,” Chuck replies, gesturing to the beer in his hand.

                “Alright,” Chris says.

                The three of them make their way to the bar, squeezing between a few people so they can get the bartender’s attention. Darren gets three beers, and after handing one to Lauren, she clinks it with Darren’s and heads back to the group of people.

                “You put on a great show,” Chris says, leaning against the bar and looking at Darren.

                “Thanks,” Darren says, smiling bright. “I’m glad you liked it. I wanted to ask you, actually, my uhm, the show I’m in opens up in two weeks. Previews. We have previews in like two weeks, and I wanted to know if you wanted to come see it?” Darren stutters, voice high pitched at the end.

                “Absolutely,” Chris replies. “I’d love to.”

                “Sweet,” Darren says, relaxing. “I’ll give you your ticket next time I see you.”

                “Great,” Chris smiles, nudging Darren with his hip.

                Darren dares a glance back to where his brother and friends are, but can’t see them through the throngs of people. Without thinking too much he turns back towards Chris and leans forward, placing a solitary kiss on Chris’ lips.

                “Any chance I can convince you to sleep over?” he asks Chris after pulling back.

                Chris takes a sip of his beer, knocking his head back and forth playfully as he considers the offer.

                “What are your thoughts on coming back to my place instead? We can avoid the whole ‘having to explain why you’re bringing a guy home’ conversation with Joey.”

                “I think I can be persuaded,” Darren grins and leans closer to Chris, putting himself in Chris’ space.

                Chris finishes off his beer, placing the empty can on the bartop and wrapping his finger in Darren’s belt loop and tugging gently.

                “Come on, cowboy. Time to get back to everyone.”

* * *

 

                Chris and Chuck came together, but when Chuck leaves Chris waves him off, telling Chuck that he has to stop by Duane Reade to pick some things up.

                The plan is for Chris to wait outside near his subway line and for Darren to join him. It doesn’t take long until Darren comes bounding down the street, his guitar strapped to his back. He walks right up to Chris and grabs his hip, pulling him into a deep kiss.

                “I wanted to do that all night,” he tells Chris, pulling back and rubbing their noses together for a second.

                Chris smiles and grabs Darren’s hand, entangling their fingers together and pulling him down the subway stairs.

                When they get onto their train they share a pole, standing across from each other and trading short stories from their past.

                “You wanted your lip pierced?” Chris laughs, scrunching his face in confusion. “Ew! Why?”

                Darren chuckles. “I thought it would look cool! It was the punk thing to do when you were sixteen.”

                “Not where I lived,” Chris laments, rolling his eyes warmly.

                “Oh yeah? What was the hardcore thing to do in Clovis?”

                “Smoking cigarettes in a Walmart parking lot at night. And cow tipping.” The subway jolts to a stop and Chris falls quickly onto Darren before righting himself.

                “Ah yes,” Darren says, putting his hand on top of Chris’ on the pole. “The traditional midnight cow tipping expedition. You’d be surprised to hear that, but there wasn’t much of that going on in San Francisco.”

                “No cow tipping?” Chris feigns shock. “How mundane. It really is quite the party.”

                “Please don’t tell me that you’ve actually tipped a cow,” Darren says.

                “This is our stop,” Chris interjects, grabbing Darren’s hand and stepping out of the train. “And no. I was never invited along to those excursions.”

                “Pity,” Darren replies, walking up the stairs behind Chris as they make their way onto the street. “We’ll have to remedy that.”

                “Yeah? You know of any local cow pastures?” Chris grins, squeezing Darren’s hand.

                “No,” Darren replies. “I don’t. Perhaps we’ll have to put that one of the backburner. Though nothing says ‘fun date’ quite like taking in the fresh smell of cow manure.”

                Chris scrunches up his nose in disgust. “So gross,” he replies, removing his hand from Darren’s and placing it on his back. Chris proceeds to guide Darren through a busy intersection of people before picking his hand back up again.

                They settle into a comfortable silence while Chris leads them back to his apartment. When they get there he takes Darren’s guitar and places it gently in the corner of his bedroom.

                “Is your roommate here?” Darren asks as he kicks his shoes off.

                “I don’t know,” Chris replies. “He may or may not be. What time is it?”

                Darren takes his phone out of his pocket while Chris sits on his bed and takes his sneakers off.

                “Uhm. One thirty,” he says.

                “Probably not then. He goes out a lot of Saturdays. Doesn’t often come home until like three a.m. If he were home now we’d probably hear him.” Chris pulls his shoes off and drops them in his closet before leaning his head outside of the door. “Stephen! You home?” he hollers.

                When he gets no response Chris closes his door and practically leaps towards Darren, pushing him onto his back on the bed.

                “Guess we have the place to ourselves,” Darren exhales, staring at Chris as Chris straddles him.

                “Guess we do,” Chris replies, leaning forward and attaching his lips to Darren’s neck.

                “Fu-uuck,” Darren sighs. He involuntarily grabs Chris’ sides, running his hands up Chris’ back under his shirt.

                “Take it off,” Chris says.

                Darren goes to pull it over Chris’ head, but it doesn’t get very far.

                “It’s stuck,” Darren moans as Chris nips lightly at his earlobe.

                “It’s a button up,” Chris laughs. “You can’t just pull it over my head.”

                Chris sits up, putting all of his wait on Darren’s thighs, and begins unbuttoning his shirt. Darren is leaning on his elbows staring unabashedly at Chris.

                “Enjoying the view?” Chris smirks.

                “So much,” Darren says.

                Chris finishes unbuttoning his shirt and shrugs it off, pulling the undershirt off over his head.

                “Your turn,” Chris says as he grabs the hem of Darren’s black polo and yanks it up. He balls it up afterwards and tosses it onto the ground. “Now, where was I?”

                Chris leans back down and sucks a few marks onto Darren’s neck, slowly making his way down towards Darren’s clavicle. Darren goes to grab Chris’ sides again, wanting something to hold onto, but Chris stops him before he can.

                Instead Chris pushes Darren’s wrists above his head and pins them to the bed, scraping his teeth over Darren’s clavicle and then licking across his left nipple. Darren’s heartbeat picks up and his breath begins to get a little labored. He can feel himself growing hard in his pants, but more importantly, he can feel Chris’ erection, too.

                “Do we, do we need to have the safe sex talk?” Darren sighs, craning his neck up to give Chris more room.

                “Safe sex is good sex,” Chris murmurs at the junction of Darren’s shoulder. “But tonight I’m just gonna blow you.”

                Chris goes back to biting and sucking Darren’s upper body, and Darren begins casually rutting against Chris’ thigh. Part of him wants to grab Chris’ sides and maneuver them so he’s on top, but the pressure of Chris’ hands on his wrist, and the inability to do anything but _receive_ is really overwhelming. Sexually he’s always been the more dominant one, with both genders. This is new, but it’s also really, _really_ good.

                Chris lets go of him and begins kissing down Darren’s chest, blowing a light raspberry on Darren’s belly button, and making his way down Darren’s happy trail.

                “You know,” Chris begins, eye level with Darren’s crotch, “I used to be able to unbutton boys’ pants with only my teeth.”

                “Plan on trying that?” Darren asks, sitting up on his elbows and looking down at Chris.

                “If your pants weren’t so fucking tight, yes. The last thing I want right now is a chipped tooth.”

                “It’d be quite the story to tell your dentist,” Darren retorts.

                “Or,” Chris says with fervor, “I can unbuckle your pants with my hands and suck your dick.”

                “I’m gonna go with the dick sucking option for five hundred, Alex,” Darren shoots back.

                “Good choice,” Chris says, immediately unbuttoning Darren’s pants and yanking them down. As he’s pulling them off, Darren pushes down his own underwear and scoots back on the bed so he’s against the headboard.

                It’s the first time Darren’s been naked in front of Chris since their one night stand. But even then it wasn’t like it is now; there were no feelings involved, Darren didn’t care whether or not Chris liked his body, or whether or not Chris even liked him. But now that suddenly all matters.

                Chris stands up from his position hunched on the floor near Darren’s feet, and begins taking off his own pants while Darren watches.

                “Should I put on a show?” Chris asks, smirk in place.

                “Put on a show _later_ ,” Darren whines as he begins fisting his cock. “I’m horny now.”

                “As you wish,” Chris replies, stepping out of his pants and crawling onto the bed.

                He doesn’t hesitate at all, immediately leaning down and sucking the head of Darren’s cock. He brings his fist around the rest of Darren, moving it up and down in rhythm with his mouth. Every so often he swirls his tongue around the head of Darren’s dick, licking the slit and collecting the precum.

                “You are… _far_ too good at this,” Darren grits out, eyes squinting in pleasure as his toes begin to curl.

                Chris hums his response, and Darren can’t help but moan.

                “Fu-uck,” he whispers harshly. His right hand, which was once balled into a fist, loosens up and Darren plops it down unceremoniously on Chris’ head.

                Chris tightens his grip and begins bobbing his head in earnest, causing Darren to mewl and tighten his grip in Chris’ hair.

                “Gonna…gonna— _Chris_ ,” Darren whines, bucking up into Chris’ mouth.

                Chris doesn’t move, doesn’t adjust his position, just loosens his jaw and lets Darren’s dick push its way further into Chris. Chris bobs a few times as he works Darren through the aftershocks, before slowly sitting up and taking Darren out of his mouth.

                “That was…that was…you are _far_ too good at that,” Darren mumbles.

                Chris chuckles wryly and straddles Darren, his penis still hard and red at the top as he grabs Darren’s hands and intertwines their fingers, leaning down to kiss Darren.

                “Care to give it a shot?” Chris responds cheekily.

                “I think,” Darren says, capturing Chris’ lips, “I will.”

                He removes his hands from Chris’ grip and places them on Chris’ side, stroking up and down and feeling the warm flesh beneath. He leans back in to kiss Chris, getting so caught up in the feeling of their tongues intertwining that he doesn’t even realize when Chris snakes his hand between the two of them to start jerking himself off.

                Chris begins to moan, his breath hiccupping unevenly when he pulls back from the kiss.

                “On second thought,” he says, looking down at his dick. Darren follows his gaze and watches as Chris’ penis slides in out and out Chris’ fist.

                Darren quickly bats Chris’ hand away and replaces it with his own, pumping up and down and watching as Chris’ abdominals quiver and tense. When Chris comes, he shoots all over his stomach and Darren’s hand, and he falls onto Darren in exhaustion. He ghosts his lips over Darren’s shoulder and neck, feathering the occasional light kiss on Darren’s skin.

                Darren wipes his dirty hand on the sheets, mildly disgusted when he looks at the stain, but too content to really care. He engulfs his arms around Chris, squeezing him in a bear hug.

                “It was much better this time around,” Darren grins cheekily.

                “That’s because this time it was face to face,” Chris laughs. “Also, we’re monogamous, right?”

                It’s said with such nonchalance that it almost takes Darren for a loop. But it’s been on his mind awhile anyway. He doesn’t assume they’re monogamous, but it’s something he wants to be. They haven’t been seeing each other long enough for Darren to really assume anything. It’s refreshing, though slightly awkward given the situation, that Chris is bringing it up.

                “We can be,” Darren says, kissing Chris’ shoulder.

                “Good,” Chris replies, sitting up and looking Darren head on, a tiny smirk on his face. “Because someone asked me out today and I told him I was mournfully taken.”

                “Ugh, that boyfriend of yours really gets in your way,” Darren cracks back.

                “It’s a good thing he’s hot. Otherwise he really wouldn’t be worth it.”

                “It woulda been _tooootttaaallllyy_ awkward had I said that I was dating like four other people, wouldn’t it?” Darren says unabashedly and smiling wide.

                Chris leans back and lets out a loud laugh, playfully slapping Darren on the chest.

                “You would be surprised to know that that’s actually happened to me before. Apparently I haven’t learned my lesson.”

                Darren scrunches his nose up. “Seriously? That sucks.”

                Chris waves the comment away. “Eh. He wasn’t as good looking as you, anyway.”

                “Once again, it’s only about my looks,” Darren shakes his head in faux displeasure.

                “What, and you thought it was your shining intellect that made you worthwhile?” Chris chuckles.

                “I’ll have you know that I graduated college with a 3.8,” Darren says, raising his finger up as if it will help him prove his point.

                “You majored in theatre,” Chris replies. “That’s not very impressive.”

                Darren sighs exaggeratedly deeply and flops his hands beside him on the bed.

                “You’re right; I have nothing going for me. Aside from my good looks, my nice ass, my deep wallet, and my ability to give _really_ good head.”

                “You’re a lost cause,” Chris replies. He hops off of Darren and stands up, stark naked and in the middle of his room. “Let’s go shower. And maybe you can make good on that promise of ‘ _really_ good head.’”

                Darren stands right up and follows Chris like a puppy dog, naked through the hallway and into Chris’ bathroom.


	10. Chapter 10

                “Operation: Be Chris’ Boyfriend is officially a go,” Darren says about two weeks later when he walks into his apartment after a date with Chris, and finds Joey on the couch eating Cheetos and watching _Buffy the Vampire Slayer._ Or _Angel_. Darren’s really not sure.

                He stands in front of the TV to block Joey’s view after his statement elicits no response.

                “Dude!” Joey whines. “This is my favorite part!”

                Darren rolls his eyes. Joey tends to be a bit dramatic when it comes to TV shows.

                “Let me repeat myself. Operation: Darren and Chris Being Boyfriends and Dating and Being Monogamous is officially a go.”

                He stands there in front of Joey for a few seconds, suddenly feeling more than a little bit vulnerable. Joey has always been seemingly A-Okay with Darren’s queerness, though he hasn’t ever really _witnessed_ it firsthand (apart from a few drunken make-outs at parties and Darren’s incessant flirting with anything that moves). So Darren is both excited and nervous to be sharing this with his best friend and roommate. Especially because every time Chris and Darren want alone time they have to go back to Chris’ apartment. Chris’ roommate is nice and cool, but still, there’s only so many times that they can sexile him. Plus, Darren sort of feels bad for hiding Chris from everyone in his life. He’s ready to finally open that door.

                Open that door to everyone, that is, except his family.

                And social media.

                But everyone else is open game.

                “So you are officially wooing him?” Joey says, craning his head so he can look around Darren and at the TV.

                Darren sighs and grabs the remote that’s on the table, turning around and pausing the show.

                “Yes, I am currently wooing him. But we are officially dating and monogamous,” he explains.

                Joey scrunches his nose. “Wait, you’re already monogamous?”

                Darren nods his head.

                “When did that happen?” Joey asks, putting the bag of Cheetos down on the table.

                “Two weeks ago, give or take a few days,” Darren replies.

                “Doesn’t that mean that Operation: Be Chris’ Boyfriend is already completed?” Joey asks, tilting his head to the side in thought.

                “Uhm,” Darren replies, elongating the ‘m’ sound and humming it out. “I guess?” His voice comes out squeaky.

                Joey shakes his head. “You’re a lost cause.”

                “Whatever. The point is that Chris and I are dating and you are the first person that I’m telling.”

                “It’s an honor,” Joey says drily. “Can I watch my show now?”

                “I was hoping for fireworks or excitement, maybe a high five. You’re really letting me down here,” Darren jokes.

                Joey shrugs. “It was a really good part, okay?! Angel is pretending to be evil and then he’s going to save the day and kill the bad guys.”

                “Fine. You go ahead and drool over vampires. I’m going to force Julia to hang out with me.”

* * *

 

                “So at the risk of giving you a complex,” Darren says from his position on Julia’s couch, “you were right.”

                “I usually am when it comes to you,” Julia says, and Darren knows that it’s only a half joke. “But what exactly was I right about this time?”

                “The whole Chris situation,” Darren says, gesticulating in front of himself.

                Julia has no plans today, so Darren invited himself over. He hasn’t seen her in a month—not since they grabbed food together and she told him to take his head out of his ass and stop being dramatic. They texted frequently in between, but Darren never got around to explaining what’s going on with him and Chris.

                “Chris…” she says as if she’s trying that name out on her tongue for the first time. “The guy who’s friends with Chuck? The one you fooled around with, right?”

                Darren nods. “A one night stand, but yeah.”

                “So how’s that going?”

                “We’re dating. It’s fun. I’m happy.”

                “Does Chuck know?” Julia asks, grabbing the beer bottle that’s on the table in front of them.

                Darren is reclining on the couch with his legs resting on the coffee table in front, and Julia is sprawled out on the couch, her feet lying on Darren’s lap. Every so often Darren reaches down and rubs them, wanting something to do with his hands.

                “No,” Darren replies, taking a sip of his own beer. “You’re only the second person I’ve told. Joey knows. But it’s all pretty new in general.”

                “How new?” Julia asks.

                Darren shrugs. “After we talked last time Chris and I hung out, went on a date, hung out a few more times. And now we’re going steady.”

                “So this is good, right?”

                “Totally,” Darren grins.

                “And now you realize that you were freaking out over nothing,” Julia supplies.

                Darren chuckles. “I think we all know that I have a flair for the dramatic.”

                Julia shakes her head with fond exasperation.

                “Fucking moron,” she quips, pelting a throw pillow at Darren.

* * *

 

                The next few days leaves Darren exhausted, completely drained, and happier than he’s been in a long while. His show starts previews tomorrow, and Darren has spent the last week working his ass off for twelve hours a day rehearsing with his fellow castmates, getting the finishing touches of his costume completed, and hanging out with Chris.

                It’s been exhilarating watching this show come together piece by piece, and he’s beyond excited to show it to the world.

                Chris, Chuck, and all of Darren’s friends are coming out for the first night. His parents, unable to make it to the previews, are flying out to New York City in three weeks so that they can be at opening night. There’s a cast party afterwards that everyone is invited to, and while Darren sort of wishes that he was only bringing Chris, he is thrilled to be able to celebrate with his friends and family, along with his castmates.

                Darren’s plan is to spend the day before previews begin with his castmates, putting the finishing touches on the play, playing a few silly rounds of Zip Zap Zop and Chop Chop Saw, and listening to and giving emotional speeches to the cast and crew.

                Afterwards he is going to go over to Chris’ apartment and hang out with him. If he plays his cards right then he’ll spend the night there.

                Everything goes smoothly, which is a first for him. There are no glitches or glaringly obvious errors or malfunctions at the dress rehearsal, and afterwards Chris is waiting outside of the theatre to pick Darren up.

                “You didn’t,” Darren grins, looking bashfully down at the single daisy that Chris is offering him.

                “I most certainly did,” Chris responds as Darren takes the flower. “There’s a whole bouquet at my place. You’ll get it tomorrow. But I didn’t have anywhere I could hide it from you tonight, so it’s on the coffee table. Do me a favor and act surprised tomorrow, yeah?”

                Darren chuckles, twirling the little flower between his fingers and watching it spin.

                “I will do my best,” Darren responds, fixing his backpack so it’s on his back properly instead of just hanging off of his one arm. He then grabs Chris’ hand and entangles their fingers. “So what’s on the docket for tonight?”

                It’s a little after nine at night on a Monday, and Darren doesn’t have to report to the theater tomorrow until the evening. He’s feeling energized and animated, and he wouldn’t mind going out for some drinks. But he knows that Chris has to work tomorrow, and he doesn’t want to have Chris stay out late two nights in a row. So he wants to put the ball in Chris’ court and let him make the plan for the evening.

                “Ice cream is a must. I want a milkshake. Followed by a walk through Central Park since we’re so close. Then we’ll retire to my bedroom for a heated make out session and some celebratory blow jobs.”

                Darren can’t help but snicker. “Shouldn’t the celebratory blow jobs come tomorrow night?” he asks.

                “Something tells me you’ll be too busy tomorrow night. I thought I’d let you cash in early. Though, if you don’t _want_ to…” Chris trails off, a silly and sarcastic glint in his eyes.

                “No, no,” Darren interrupts. “I accept those terms and conditions.”

                “Good,” Chris says, letting go of Darren’s hand and putting it on the swell of Darren’s back. He lightly guides Darren through a group of people and around a corner, clearly knowing where he’s going. “Ice cream first.”

                “Do you have a place in mind?” Darren asks.

                “Yes. Schnipper’s. Because it’s close and the milkshakes are good. But if you want a _real_ good milkshake, I’ll take you to Burger and Barrel one day and buy you an alcoholic milkshake.”

                “They make alcoholic milkshakes now?!” Darren asks, bewildered yet incredibly intrigued.

                “Oh yeah,” Chris replies. “And they’re damned good.”

                “Then that is an offer I am willing to accept.”

                “Good. We’ll make a date of it,” Chris replies, turning to look at Darren. His toothy smile and bright eyes make Darren weak in the knees, and he’s reminded of how few dates they’ve actually been on. They hang out a lot, but they haven’t been on a _true_ date since their first one. And that was nearly a month ago.

                He wants to take Chris out properly, and the gears in his head start going. He’s free almost every Monday since it’s blackout day for theatre. He just has to plan something epic and awesome and make sure that Chris is free.

                “By the way,” he says as they get to Schnipper’s and Chris opens the door for him. “I am officially planning a date for a random Monday this month. So find a day you’re free and let me know, yeah?”

                “I am free every Monday evening,” Chris responds, walking up to the counter.

                Darren looks at him skeptically. “ _Every_ Monday?” he asks.

                Chris turns to him looking slightly guilty. “Was it a bit presumptuous of me to assume that the only nights we’d be able to hang out would be Mondays, and therefore I tried to make all my other plans for any other day _but_ Monday?”

                Darren grins and starts playing with Chris’ fingers.

                “Not presumptuous at all,” he says, blushing through his answer.

                “Good,” Chris smiles, leaning in and bumping his nose against Darren’s. “Now figure out what milkshake you want. We have a mile walk to Central Park!”

                After they order their milkshakes to go, they make the leisurely walk side by side to the edge of Central Park, slowly sipping their drinks and exchanging small talk. They don’t talk about tomorrow, or what they will act like at the after party. Instead they talk about their mutual friends, Darren vents about one of his friends being an asshole, and Chris talks about his job.

                When they finish their ice cream they throw it out and resume holding hands.

                “You know,” Darren says, suddenly overwhelmed by the romanticism of their setting, “I haven’t felt this comfortable in a while.”

                “Yeah?” Chris replies, looking at him. “Comfortable how?”

                Darren plays with his lip for a second while he collects his thoughts.

                “With myself. My sexuality. With my life. I’m just really happy, and you’re definitely a part of it.”

                Chris doesn’t respond immediately, and Darren momentarily panics that maybe he said too much. Maybe he put forward too many feelings.

                “Can I ask you something?” Chris asks, doubt coloring his voice.

                “Yeah,” Darren breathes.

                “What exactly is your sexuality?” Chris asks softly, and Darren can sense his hesitance.

                He wracks his brain for a memory of explaining himself to Chris, but he comes up blank and he realizes that this is a part of himself that he’s never shared with Chris.

                “We can sit if you want,” Chris continues, perhaps picking up on Darren’s silence.

                “No. I’d rather walk. It’s a nice spring night.” Darren takes a deep breath, looking around for a second at all of the people surrounding him. There are kids playing on the playground in the distance, men and women going for jogs and walking dogs, tourists taking pictures, and hordes of couples holding hands and kissing and laughing and smiling. Darren feels like he’s a part of the fold.

                “So I guess, in the most simplistic form, I’m queer,” Darren says, turning so he can look directly at Chris.

                “What does that mean for you?” Chris asks, though not unkindly. “I’m sorry, I just…it’s a very broad term. Y-You don’t have to, have to explain that. It’s very personal. I’m sorry,” he rambles.

                Darren shrugs amiably. “No. It’s okay. I’m not… _offended_. It’s a legitimate question, especially since we’re dating. I guess it just means that I don’t like labels. And it’s the least restricting label. I...I used to say I was bisexual, because I like guys _and_ girls. But I just felt really restricted by that label, and I didn’t like the way people would look at me. Being a bisexual guy is…it’s not easy. People are just waiting for you to come out as gay, they don’t believe you. And I didn’t feel comfortable using that label for myself. After I met some queer people and heard them talk about what being queer meant to them, I felt that that word works better for me than any other.”

                Chris takes a second to take it all in, Darren assumes, and they continue their walk through the park, fingers entangled.

                “I have to be honest, I’m not a very big LGBTQ ally. I mean, I’m gay, b-b-but…I never educated myself on anything. I never took a queer history class, never tried to expand my knowledge beyond basic gay rights. You’re the first person I’ve met who identifies as queer.”

                Darren nods. “Yeah. I mean, being queer means a lot of things. I’m sorry, it’s hard for me to explain and I’m being wordy. I just hate when I can’t express myself correctly. I hate when my words are misconstrued.”

                “No, I get it. I mean, I think I do. You like guys, you like girls, you hate labels.”

                “In a nutshell, yeah,” Darren responds.

                “Does anyone know?”

                Darren chuckles bashfully. “I know it seems like this is some top secret, because we’ve been keeping our relationship quiet and I’m always worried about Chuck finding out, but literally _everyone_ knows. I feel like I’ve mentioned that before, but it’s true. All of my close friends, the people I work with, most of the people I went to college with—it’s common knowledge. It’s just my family that doesn’t know. I don’t want you to feel like I’m dragging you back into the closet.”

                Chris looks down guiltily, and Darren feels a sudden swoop of shame.

                “Please don’t tell me that I dragged you back into the closet,” he says.

                Chris shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. I was—I was just…afraid that m-maybe that was the direction this was going in.”

                “It’s not. I promise. I have a timeline figured out. I want to come out to my family. And as for Joey and my friends, I’ve already begun telling them that we’re dating.”

                “I don’t want you to come out to your family just because, because, because of me,” Chris says.

                “I’m not. I have been wanting to for a while. I need to work up the balls to do it, and I think I finally am.”

                “Balls are weak,” Chris replies with an impish grin.

                Darren rolls his eyes affectionately. “ _Fine_. I needed to work up the _vagina_ and do it.”

                “Ew,” Chris groans, scrunching up his face rather adorably. “Girl parts. Yuck.”

                “I guess this is not the time to mention how many times I’ve gone down on a woman, is it?” Darren laughs, poking fun at Chris’ reaction.

                “ _EW_ ,” Chris repeats, this time with fervor. His eyes go wide with understanding, and Darren can totally tell that Chris is actually envisioning that scenario. Because he likens himself occasionally to a douchebag, he decides to push Chris’ disgust even further.

                “Mmmm, vagina juices,” he says, barely able to hold back his laughter.

                Chris pulls his hand away from Darren’s and stops walking. Darren continues, skipping a foot in front of Chris and then turning around and facing him.

                “That is so gross, _Darren_ ,” he hollers, looking rather offended. “We are never having sex again!”

Darren laughs loudly, bouncing up and down on his feet.

                “That’s not true,” he says, enjoying pushing Chris’ buttons. “That’s not true at all. As a matter of fact, I remember being promised celebratory blow jobs tonight!”

                Chris takes a few slow steps back to Darren, playfully slapping him on the shoulder as they continue their walk side by side.

                “I am so turned off right now,” Chris replies, making a sour face. “ _Ugh_. It’s like the word moist. There are some words that should never be uttered, and vagina juice is one of them.”

                “I solemnly swear to never use that term again if you promise to have sex with me tonight.”

                “I’m not sure that’s a good enough incentive,” Chris states matter of fact, though there’s a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

                “ _Fine_ ,” Darren continues. “I promise to never use that term again, take you out on a date, cook you dinner, _and_ be your best friend forever and ever, if in return you have sex with me tonight.”

                “Hmm,” Chris buzzes, placing a finger on his lips while he pretends to think about it. “Only tonight?”

                “No. Way more than tonight. Many times. Many times there will be fornication,” Darren replies.

                “Another word you shouldn’t use!” Chris laughs.

                “And copulating,” Darren continues.

                “Oh my god,” Chris drones, letting go of Darren’s hand and walking forward, his head in his hands.

                “And let’s not forget philander!” Darren calls as he smiles and laughs. He picks up his pace and jogs to catch up to Chris, grabbing his around the waist and stopping their movements. He buries his head in Chris’ shoulder, kissing his neck a few times.

                “You’re lucky you’re hot,” Chris jokes, not for the first time in their relationship. “Because you are so much more trouble than I expected.”

                Darren laughs, his breath hitting Chris’ sensitive spot on the underside of Chris’ neck.

                “Come on,” Darren says, turning Chris around so they’re facing each other. He kisses Chris softly on the lips. “Let’s go back to your place.”


	11. Chapter 11

                Darren wakes up alone around eleven in the morning. Chris kissed him lightly on the forehead a few hours ago when he left for work, and Darren knew he’d wake up alone in someone else’s apartment. But after the late night walk and the fantastic sex, he didn’t feel like dragging himself halfway across Manhattan to sleep in his own bed. When Chris purposefully collapsed on top of Darren, refusing to let Darren get up, Darren had no choice but to stay.

                Plus, sleeping with Chris is much preferable.

                He brushes his teeth with the spare tooth brush he bought at Duane Reade the other week that he leaves in Chris’ bathroom and then heads home, grabbing a bagel on the way. He has plans before his show tonight; he wants to go on a short and easy run to get out his nervous energy, and then take a hot shower and do his vocal warm ups. He’s tried his hardest to preserve his voice the last few weeks, but it’s so hard for him to _not_ talk to people.

                But he’s putting himself on vocal rest for the next few hours. He promises not to speak unless absolutely necessary. Like when he accidentally runs into someone and needs to apologize. And when he orders his bagel. And again when he sees a really cute pit bull in the park and wants to pet it.

                Turns out vocal rest is nearly impossible for him to handle.

                He turns his phone to vibrate and ignores it the rest of the afternoon. He doesn’t want to spend his time before the show responding to well wishes from his friends and family. He wants to relax and prepare. He answers only when his parents call, blushing fervently at their congratulations and happy tears. When he hangs up from them he goes back to stretching and prepares himself a glass of hot water with lemon.

                When he finishes he runs through his scales and grabs his rehearsal bag, heading to the theatre.

* * *

 

                The show goes off without a hitch.

                Okay, that’s not true. There are a few mistakes, one or two forgotten lines, the sole of Darren’s shoe completely detaches halfway through Act I, and the mic on the leading lady malfunctions at one point. But that’s what previews are for. If the round of raucous applause is anything to go by, then the audience didn’t seem to mind too much.

                After the curtains close after the bows, all of the present cast and crew run together in a big circle hug. Some are crying, others are laughing, but Darren is pretty sure that everyone feels completely elated. The nerves of putting on the show for the first time in front of unsuspecting victims has made way to excitement, and Darren is ready to celebrate.

                He knows that the nerves will come back tomorrow morning when he has to wake up and read the reviews, but he refuses to think about that now. He had fun, he did well, and the cast put on a fantastic show.

                As he makes his way back to his single dressing room, he makes sure to stop by everyone’s rooms to congratulate them on a job well done.

                “Alex,” Darren exhales, doing a happy spin as he makes his way into the male ensemble’s room, “you blew me the fuck away tonight. You were fantastic!”

                Alex laughs, turning around and engulfing Darren in a hug. “Thank you! I had—it was so much fun. You were fantastic, too. Seriously, the way you belted ‘Something to Dance About’ was fantastic.”

                Darren grins and thanks Alex before making his way to the rest of the ensemble and handing out high fives to them all. He then does the same to the girls ensemble before making his way back to his own dressing room, promising he’d get to the main cast after they were changed.

                When he gets to his room and opens it up he’s surprised to see Chuck and Joey there, sitting on the loveseat that’s pushed against the wall.

                “Dude!” Joey exclaims, jumping up and throwing his arms out as he practically runs over to Darren. “That was _fantastic_!”

                Joey pounces on him, enveloping him in a short, yet hard, bear hug, before detaching himself and patting Darren hard a few times on his back.

                “Thanks, Joey,” Darren grins, returning the affection. He then turns to his brother who is standing a foot away and smiling reservedly.

                “Darren,” Chuck starts out, giving Darren a long hug. “You were—you were amazing. Seriously, you were meant to be on stage.”

                “Thanks, bro,” Darren says to Chuck’s shoulder—he’s too short to reach Chuck’s ear unless he’s standing on his tippy toes.

                “Mom and dad are gonna lose their shit,” Chuck continues, stepping back but still holding onto Darren by his biceps. He gives them a quick squeeze and lets go, pulling his phone out of his pocket and handing it to Joey. “You mind?” he says.

                Joey grabs the phone and takes a few pictures, pushing his way into a few of them. Darren’s still in his costume and makeup, with his hair slicked back and his 1950s attire, but Chuck still sends a few of those pictures to his parents and posts one of them on his Facebook and Twitter.

                Darren closes his dressing room door and begins to take his costume off, delicately hanging it up on the rack that was provided. Chuck and Joey stand around for a few minutes, the three of them talking and joking around, until Darren is in his boxer briefs and getting ready to wash out his hair.

                “We’ll meet you outside, yeah?” Chuck asks.

                “We’ll be at the stage door behind your many adoring fans,” Joey adds.

                Darren laughs wholeheartedly, throwing his head back. “I’ll be sure to sign your Playbills.”

                When Chuck and Joey leave it’s the first time that Darren’s been alone since the show ended. He lets out a deep, shaky breath and finishes cleaning his hair out before heading to the makeup desk so he can remove the stage makeup.

                Afterwards he pulls a leather bound journal from his bag and opens it up, finding an empty page. He’s had this particular journal since he was cast in _Call Me Madam_. It’s a tradition of his; any time he gets cast in a show he buys himself a good journal and uses it to detail his experience. He’ll write about his audition and the casting experience, he’ll write about how rehearsals are going and where he thinks his strengths and weaknesses are, and after almost every performance he’ll sit down and write about how it went.

                He’ll expand upon the things he think he did well and the things that need practice. Sometimes he’ll wait until he gets home and he’ll talk about the stage door experience (though in his short theatrical past, there never was much of a stage door _experience_ , just a handful of people not knowing his name who still wanted his autograph).

                Writing in the journals helps him find focus and remind him that he has a job to do, and that he can always better himself. It’s also really fun to look back on years later. He’s chronicling his life.

                He has different journals for different things: one for lyrics, one for acting, and one for general life. He doesn’t mix them.

                After he finishes writing about his performance Darren puts the journal back in his bag and washes his face in the bathroom sink. Then he gets dressed and heads out to see which of his fellow cast members are still around. Luckily they all are, and he’s able to hug each and everyone one of them before they all step out together.

* * *

 

                The great thing about after parties is that the booze is ever flowing. Darren has one glass of nice scotch, and another glass of top shelf whiskey, and then stops. He always significantly lessens his drinking when he’s performing full time. But this is a special occasion, and when he sees the labels on the bottles he just can’t turn them down.

                There are more people here than he ever expected there to be. He knows the show has been hyped up, but it’s still an off-Broadway show. Roundabout Theatre Company is pretty well respected, though, and they put on shows in a slew of Broadway theatres, so it garners attention from a lot of big names.

                “Just wait,” Alex says from next to him as Darren looks around the room. “I hear that the after party for opening night will be even _bigger_.”

                Darren looks at him like he’s crazy. “How is that possible?”

                “More Broadway stars, bigger venue. I heard Brendan talking about it over there,” Alex replies, pointing to the corner of the room where their director, Brendan, is entertaining a few well known Broadway veterans.

                “Pinch me before I faint,” Darren says, staring off into the corner.

                “I can do that,” Darren hears right before someone pinches his arm.

                “Ow!” Darren says, turning around to Chris.

                “Surprise!” Chris says, holding up a bouquet of flowers.

                “Daisies?! For _me?_ ” Darren says, his voice high. He throws his hand over his heart and swoons. “I was never expecting this!”

                Chris laughs and thrusts the flowers at him. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he laments.

                “So where were you hiding these?” Darren grins, accepting the flowers. When Darren exited the theatre and saw all of his friends, he was given bouquets upon bouquets of flowers and cards, but Chris’ hands were empty.

                “I donated to the group gift, so I felt like I shouldn’t also bring a bouquet of flowers, too?” Chris answers, and it sounds like a question. “So I stashed them here before the show. The bartender kept them safe,” he smiles, chuckling quietly.

                “Thank you,” Darren says, casually grabbing Chris’ hand and squeezing.

                “Cough cough. Ahem,” Alex says, waving awkwardly at them.

                Darren turns around and notices that Alex is standing there, only a foot away, and staring at them expectantly.

                Darren lets out a full bellied laugh. “Gee, Alex. Eavesdropping?”

                “Who? Me? Noooo,” Alex pretends to deny, pouting his lips and waving his hand in dismissal. “Just enjoying the view.”

                Darren shakes his head affectionately. “Care to meet Chris?” he asks.

                “Why I sure would love to!” Alex skips forward and holds his hand out for Chris to shake. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

                Chris laughs, no doubt entertained by the proper 1950s demeanor that Alex has adopted. “Yours, too.”

                “Alex,” Darren continues, “meet my boyfriend Chris. Chris, meet Alex.”

                “I’m one of those people in stand in the background and sway,” Alex supplies.

                “I do have to say that the swaying was on pointe tonight,” Chris retorts.

                “What can I say? I’m an expert at oscillating.”

                “Also very humble,” Darren interjects with a friendly smirk.

                “Anyway, I best be off,” Alex says, still in character. He gives a little bow and backs away with a wink before turning around and heading into the party.

                “He’s quite the character,” Chris remarks, though the smile he can’t get rid of lets Darren know that it’s said with no malice.

                “He’s a good guy. You two would get along.”

                Chris nods in understanding before hip checking Darren lightly. “Boyfriend, huh?” he smirks.

                “I’m pleading the fifth!” Darren laughs.

                “Just for the record, I accept that title,” Chris says, taking a step closer to Darren.

                “Really?” Darren replies, looking up at Chris. They’re only a few inches apart, and from this angle Darren can see the glint in Chris’ eyes and the half smile on his lips. He can smell Chris’ cologne, and he’s only an inch or so away from being able to kiss him. All he has to do is push up on his tippy toes. The room is crowded, though Darren’s not quite sure if his friends or Chuck are anywhere near them. He’s not concerned about his friends seeing, just Chuck and his girlfriend.

                He loops his fingers around Chris’ belt loops and is about to throw caution to the wind when his friend Brian walks up and screams his name in greeting.

                Chris immediately takes a step back, and Darren lets go of Darren’s pants.

                For the rest of the night Chris stays somewhat close to Darren. Darren mingles and meets people, he talks to some big namers and celebrates with his friends, and he always keeps his eye on Chris, who spends most of his time chatting up Darren’s friends and hanging out with Darren.

                At the end of the night Chris and Darren sneak out together and spend a few minutes making out in the single stall bathroom near the exit before they both realize it’s late and they have to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you like it so far? Do you hate it?


	12. Chapter 12

                Chris meets Darren at the stage door after his Friday night performance, and greets him with a kiss on the lips and a tight, but short, hug. There are a few dozen people walking around, and a couple of spare fans waiting outside the stage door for the actors, but Darren already signed for everyone who wanted his signature and he’s ready to go home.

                “Good show?” Chris asks as he loops his elbow around Darren’s and sets off towards the subway.

                “Great show. We’re getting better and things are coming together real fast. I’m excited for opening night.”

                “Two more weeks, right?” Chris asks as they turn a corner.

                “A little more, but yeah. You’re coming, right?”

                “Like I’d miss that,” Chris scoffs.

                “Don’t act like you’re only going to see me. We both know that you’re in it for the after party,” Darren chuckles.

                “Not fair! True, but not fair,” Chris smiles.

                “I don’t blame you,” Darren replies. “I mean, if the rumor’s true and Hugh Jackman comes then I can’t be held responsible for the things I’ll do!”

                “I just want to look at him,” Chris moans. “God, he is so gorgeous.”

                They go down the steps of the subway and separate so they can slide their Metro Cards through the scanner and get to their platform. Chris goes to turn right but Darren reaches out and grabs Chris’ bicep, tugging him to the left.

                “Let’s go to my place tonight,” Darren says.

                Chris gives him a questioning look, eyebrows raised in confusion. Darren can’t fault him for that; they always go back to Chris’ place because they get more privacy there. Joey’s normally sitting on the couch and watching TV, and Darren doesn’t think that he and Chris are at the point in their relationship where they don’t care about Joey overhearing them having sex.

                “Joey’s out for the night,” Darren explains. “And you said that Stephen was home for the night, right?”

                “Yeah,” Chris nods, turning his body so he can follow Darren to the correct subway platform. “You mean I get to finally spend the night in your bed?” Chris jokes, poking Darren in the side.

                “If you’re lucky,” Darren replies. “I could just banish you to the couch.”

                “Doesn’t sound like much of a punishment,” Chris continues. “That couch is pretty fucking comfortable.”

                “Ungh, yeah it is.”

                “Think Joey would mind if we desecrated the couch?” Chris asks, and Darren has a feeling, from the way Chris lifts his eyebrow in question, that he is only partially joking.

                “What he doesn’t know won’t kill him,” Darren smiles.

                The subway pulls up and they share a pole all the way to Darren’s stop, trading small talk the whole time.

                Chris has been to Darren’s apartment only a small handful of times, and he’s never spent the night. Much to Darren’s chagrin, the few times that Chris has come over at night have been during work nights, and Chris much prefers sleeping at his own place when he has to work the next day. Darren understands; Chris has to get up early and he has to look clean and put together and presentable. Chris is more comfortable in his own environment, and especially since Darren doesn’t work normal hours, Chris has expressed fear in accidentally waking Darren or Joey up too early by clunking around the apartment or taking a shower.

                When they get to Darren’s apartment it’s empty, as expected. Darren heads right into his room so he can unpack his bag and take his shoes off.

                “You want some tea?” he asks Chris. “I normally have some when I get home from a performance.”

                “I didn’t know that,” Chris says. “Do you have a favorite kind?”

                “Anything. Chamomile or something decaf if it’s at night. Or just hot water with lemon. Something fruity if I’m feeling bold.”

                “I’ll be sure to buy some,” Chris replies from his spot on the end of Darren’s bed. “Leave it at my place in case you ever come over after a performance.”

                Darren smiles, his heart warming up as he blushes down to his fingertips. He turns around from his desk so he can look at Chris. Chris looks relaxed, and he’s perfectly backlit by Darren’s bedside lamp. He never turned the ceiling light on, so Chris is bathed in that glow. He looks so comfortable in Darren’s space even though he’s been there so very rarely.

                Darren takes a few short steps forward and leans down, placing a firm kiss on Chris’ lips. He cups his right hand behind Chris’ neck and squeezes.

                “You are too good for me,” Darren whispers before he kisses Chris again.

                He puts his hands on Chris’ chest and pushes so Chris tumbles back onto the bed. Darren crawls on top of him, and reattaches their lips, legs bracketing Chris’ sides.

                Darren peppers kissing down Chris’ jaw as he unbuttons Chris’ shirt, finding purchase on his clavicle.

                “What happened to tea?” Chris asks, his voice a bit breathless.

                “Sex now, tea later,” Darren responds wickedly.

                Chris laughs as he tangles his hands in Darren’s curls.

                When Darren finishes unbuttoning Chris shirt, he pulls it off of Chris and then shucks his own. He stands up off the bed so he can get Chris’ pants off as well as his own, and by the time he crawls back on top of Chris they are both naked and half hard.

                Darren reaches down and pumps Chris’ cock a few times, watching as Chris’ chest stutters.

                “Feel good?” he asks.

                “Uh huh,” Chris whines, pushing himself up on his elbows so he can kiss Darren.

                Darren lets Chris use his mouth—doesn’t even fight for dominance. After a minute Chris bats Darren’s hand away, saying that he’s too close to the edge and he wants to hold out.

                Darren lets go and gets off of Chris, crawling to his bedside table and pulling out his lube and a condom and putting them on the bed. He goes to open the lube so he can squirt some on his hand and pump himself, but he pauses and turns hesitantly towards Chris.

                Chris has scooted all the way back to the headboard and is only a few short inches away from Darren.

                “Do you—uhm…do you wanna do something…new?” Darren asks, his voice higher than it’s been since he was going through puberty. He’s sweating, and he knows that only a little bit of it is because he’s turned on.

                “Like what?” Chris asks amiably, eyes glinting in anticipation.

                “Uhm,” Darren says looking back down at the condom and the lube. He tries not to let his voice shake, afraid that he might sound like a child—or worse, a nervous virgin. “Do you want to…top?” he asks.

                “ _Yes_ ,” Chris replies emphatically. “Yes, yes, _yes_.”

                Chris immediately perks up and grabs the lube, sitting up on his knees. Darren, not quite sure what to do and taken aback by Chris’ vocal response, falls onto his elbows and tries not to tremble as he bares an incredibly intimate part of his body to his boyfriend for the first time.

                Chris crawls behind him and Darren hears the click of the lube bottle as it opens.

                “You like bottoming?” Chris asks lightly, though Darren can tell that he’s probing for answers. They’ve only had penetrative sex a few times, their former one night stand including, and every time Darren has topped.

                “I don’t want to talk about it,” Darren grunts back, though not unkindly. He hangs his head as he waits for Chris to begin fingering him, rocking back and forth a bit to help quell his nerves. “Can you—are you going to f-finger me? Unless you don’t want it this way?”

                “No, no,” Chris protests, massaging Darren’s lower back. Darren assumes it’s Chris way of trying to calm Darren down and help him relax. If only he knew how nervous Darren really is. “Yes. Absolutely, I want to do it this way. Here, turn on your back.” Chris places his hand on Darren’s hip and starts tugging, giving Darren the hint that Chris wants him to flip over.

                “No,” Darren objects. “I’d rather do it this way, on my knees.” He’d rather not have to look at Chris the first time he bottoms. He tries to rationalize his anxiety by blaming it on the fact that it’s been a while since he’s bottomed and doing it this way is sometimes less harsh.

                “Okay,” Chris replies, not questioning Darren.

                A few seconds later Darren feels Chris’ finger begin pushing its way into him, and Darren lets out a groan of satisfaction. It really has been a while since he’s bottomed, and he’s happy to finally be able to do it again.

                If he’s being honest with himself—which he rarely is about this—Darren prefers bottoming. He loves the sensation of being fucked by a guy. He loves the way it feels. He doesn’t do it a lot, and he’s never bottomed with anyone that he’s dated. Normally whenever he was in the mood to bottom he would go on Grindr and find someone who just wanted to hook up. But he’s always wanted to experience bottoming with someone he truly likes and trusts, and Chris is that person. It’s just hard for him to vocalize his preference because he’s always afraid of what people will think. He doesn’t want to be labeled a bottom, he doesn’t want people to think he’s really a closeted gay guy too afraid to adopt that label, and he doesn’t want to bottom _all_ the time. Just most of the time.

                By the time Chris is three fingers in, Darren is slouching and panting, his skin having gone from clammy to red hot.

                “I’m ready,” he moans, picking up the condom that’s lying next to him and thrusting it back in Chris’ general direction. “I’m ready. Now. _Please_.”

                He pushes himself back up on his arms and legs while Chris puts the condom on, and he holds his breath when he feels Chris behind him.

                “Take a deep breath,” Chris advises, and Darren listens to him.

                When Chris pushes in it’s pleasure mixed with pain. It burns but it feels _so good_ , and Darren can feel his heartbeat pick up. He wants to thrust backwards, but he doesn’t want to cross the pleasant threshold he’s sitting on now. He doesn’t want it to hurt too much, just that aching burn that lets him know Chris is inside him.

                “You good?” Chris breathes when he bottoms out.

                “Mmhmm,” Darren hums, not sure he trusts his voice to form a full word.

                Chris begins thrusting shallowly, and Darren lets out a moan of pleasure. He feels every inch of Chris inside of him, and he revels in the feeling of Chris’ cock moving in and out and in and out of Darren. After getting used to the sensation, Darren begins meeting Chris halfway, rocking himself back on Chris’ dick.

                Chris squeezes Darren’s hips and moans.

                “You’re so fucking hot,” he says. “You feel so fucking good around me, Dare. So fucking good.”

                “Keep going,” Darren grunts. He can feel himself getting closer but he’s not ready to come yet. He wants to stave off his orgasm for just a little bit longer.

                Chris picks up speed and Darren throws his head back in surprise.

                “Yes, yes, yes, yes,” he repeats, his voice getting higher and higher until he’s practically squeaking it out.

                He reaches down and grabs himself, jerking himself off and using his precum as lube.

                “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come,” he chants. “I’m gonna—“

                Darren comes all over his hand and his sheets, moaning wantonly and fisting himself through it.

                Chris groans behind him and continues to fuck into him, and Darren can hear the slap of Chris’ balls hitting his ass.

                “Come inside me,” Darren demands.

                “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Chris replies.

                Darren leans forward and adjusts himself so he’s leaning on his elbows and not his hands, sticking his ass up a little higher to help Chris with the angle. The oversensitivity is painful, but Darren can’t bring himself to do anything about it, suddenly too tired to even ask Chris to get off of him. While he’s bottomed many times before, he’s never had someone stay in him so long after he’s come, and even though it hurts, Darren finds himself enjoying it to a certain extend.

                Chris grunts get louder and higher, and his thrusts become erratic until he finally comes into the condom in Darren’s ass. He shallowly thrusts a few more times into Darren before collapsing onto his back.

                “That was the best,” Chris breathes out. A second later he sits back up and pulls out of Darren slowly. Darren turns around and moves to the other side of the bed where his come isn’t splattered and flops onto his back. He watches Chris tie the condom and get up to throw it out. “Cuddle party?” he asks when he hops back in bed, yawning loudly.

                “Yes,” Darren says, reaching over to his bedside table to turn the lamp off. He pushes down his comforter so he and Chris can crawl under the sheets. “Your side has my cum on the blanket,” Darren says. “I should probably put it in the laundry basket and grab another blanket.”

                “I’ll sleep under the sheets, and the cum will dry soon anyway. I don’t care. I’m gonna shower tomorrow anyway,” Chris says, cuddling up to Darren and laying his head on Darren’s chest.

                “Good. Because I really didn’t want to do that, but I also didn’t want to be a bad host,” he smiles, carding his hand through Chris’ hair.

                “You’re the best host,” Chris replies. “You have Doritos and a comfy couch.”

                Darren laughs and scoots down in bed further so he’s lying on the pillow and not up against the headboard. “That couch really is the comfiest.”

                Chris chuckles and places a kiss on Darren’s sternum. They spend the next hour talking and laughing and cuddling until Chris’ slowly drifts off to sleep. Darren follows shortly after.

* * *

 

                When Darren wakes up the next day it’s to an empty bed and a hungry stomach. There’s an incessant yet dull pain in his lower back and ass that makes itself known when he stands up, but it’s not bad enough to need medicine. It’s just a firm reminder of what happened last night.

                After he brushes his teeth he throws on a pair of boxers and loose gym shorts and makes his way out to the living room. He pauses for a second at the sight in front of him. The first thing he sees is Chris and Joey sitting on the couch together eating cereal and watching TV together. The second thing he registers is that Chris’ outfit—flannel pajama pants and a University of Michigan t-shirt—is his. It gives him butterflies in his stomach to think that when Chris woke up he was comfortable enough to grab some of Darren’s clothes to wear.

                He goes to the couch and plops down between Chris and the arm rest, since Chris and Joey are sitting too close together for Darren to nudge his way in the middle. Chris puts his mostly empty bowl of cereal on the table in front of him and kisses Darren good morning.

                “Sleep well?” he asks.

                “Yeah. You?” Darren asks, still cuddled into Chris’ side.

                “Yeah,” Chris replies.

                Darren watches the TV in front of him and tries to catch up on what they’re watching, but he’s at a complete loss.

                “What is this?” he asks, turning towards Joey.

                “SHH!” Joey barks.

                “ _True Blood_ ,” Chris whispers back. “Though I have no idea _why_.”

                “Shut up, guys!” Joey tries again, sniffling.

                Chris turns his head towards Joey so fast that it’s actually comical, and Darren has to suppress a laugh.

                “Is he crying?!” Chris asks Darren in alarm. “Is this normal?” He looks skeptical as he eyes Joey like he’s almost afraid of him.

                Darren shrugs nonchalantly, not at all surprised by Joey’s behavior. “Joey has a very eclectic taste in cinema…”

                “But it’s _True Blood_ ,” Chris repeats, bordering disgusted.

                Darren shakes his head knowingly. “It’s not all that bad. Good looking people. Sex. Nudity.”

                “It’s an adult soap opera,” Chris states clearly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world “And it makes no sense! I’ve watch an episode and a half already and it’s so ridiculously _lame_.”

                “You think this is bad? You should have been here when he was addicted to _The Secret Life of the American Teenager_.”

                Chris gasps in horror. “You have got to be kidding me.”

                “I wish I were,” Darren replies, shaking his head.

                “You know,” Joey interrupts loudly, “I don’t mind you guys talking about me. I don’t even mind being in the room while it happens. But if you could respect the fact that Godric is about to die a painful, horrible, and untimely death, and keep quiet until the end of the episode, I’d appreciate that.”

                “Come on,” Darren says, standing up from the couch and pulling Chris with him. “Let’s go make out in my bedroom so we don’t have to listen to the sounds of Joey crying.”

                A few seconds later they’re pelted with a pillow, and Darren laughs uncontrollably as he drags Chris out of the room as fast as he can.

                “It’s an emotional scene, okay?!” Joey half screams.

                Darren keeps laughing and pulls Chris even harder.

They stumble into Darren’s room laughing and collapse on the bed.

                “This bed is so gross and dirty,” Chris comments.

                “ _We’re_ gross and dirty,” Darren replies. “Come on, let’s shower.”

                Darren stands up and turns around, grabbing Chris’ hands and pulling him up, leading him to the bathroom. Chris undresses first while Darren turns the water on and grabs fresh towels for them to use from the linen closet before undressing himself and stepping in.

                “Ah, this feels good,” Darren sighs.

                Chris wraps his arms around Darren’s shoulders and pulls Darren under the spray with him, kissing him slowly and deeply.

                The shower is mainly perfunctory. The bathroom is situated right next to the living room where Joey is hanging out, so neither Chris nor Darren want to do anything that he could overhear this early in the morning. Plus, Darren has a matinee show and he has to be at the theatre in about two hours, and he doesn’t want to waste his time or energy on sex when he still has to do laundry and pack his bag and grab something to eat.

                Afterwards Darren lends Chris some clothes and they strip the bed together. Darren doesn’t have laundry in his building, and he doesn’t have time to hit the laundromat, so he puts on fresh sheets and decides to forego sleeping with a comforter tonight.

                “Won’t you be cold?” Chris asks as he helps Darren tuck in the sheets.

                “It’s practically summer. If anything I’ll be hot,” Darren replies.

                Chris hums back in response as they finished making Darren’s bed and head back into the kitchen so Darren can grab some food. Joey isn’t there when they get back, and Darren assumes he’s gone out for a run or to meet up with some friends.

                “So can I ask you a totally invasive question?” Chris says from his bench near the shoddy kitchen ‘island.’

                “Go for it,” Darren replies, putting the tea kettle on the stove.

                “Was last night the first time you bottomed?”

                Darren actually stutters, his arm halting in midair as he goes to open the fridge.

                “That’s a…strange question to ask,” he replies coolly as he goes about making himself a sandwich to bring to the theatre. Turkey, mozzarella, tomato, and basil, because once he booked this job and got a steady and cushy income he started upping his food game.

                Chris shrugs. “You’ve just always topped with me, and I guess that..I, I don’t know, that it was something you p-p-prefer?”

                Darren assembles his sandwich and bites his lip, grateful for the fact that his back is facing Chris.

                “No,” he decides on. “It was not the first time I’ve…” he trails off, not quite sure how to end the sentence without sounding ashamed or awkward.

                “So is it something you would want to do again?” Chris asks casually, and Darren can’t decide if it’s a blessing or a curse the fact that Chris hasn’t picked up on his anxiety.

                Part of Darren wants to downplay this and just shrug and wave it off, but he likes Chris and he trusts Chris, and he plans on dating Chris for a while. So honesty really is the best policy in this situation.

                “It is something I actually…prefer?” Darren responds, and it comes out as a question. He wraps the sandwich in plastic wrap and puts everything in the fridge, turning around afterwards so he faces Chris. He leans against the counter and shakes his right leg a bit.

                “Oh!” Chris says, seemingly surprised but not utterly shocked. “Cool. I like that, actually.”

                Darren nods, not quite sure how to respond.

                Chris must pick up on Darren’s reticence, because he furrows his eyebrows and looks seemingly out of place.

                “So…” Chris leads off.

                Darren lets go of the breath he was holding and pushes off of the counter, running his hand through his hair.

                “Sorry,” he sighs, walking past Chris and over to the living room where he plops onto the couch. “I’m just awkward when it comes to talking about that.”

                “Why?” Chris asks, following him and slowly sitting down next to him.

                “I’m just not used to talking about it, or even _doing_ it. It’s not very often that I—you know,” Darren responds, not looking Chris directly in the eye. “Actually, to be honest, I’ve never talked about it at all.”

                “So why do you have this problem with bottoming?” Chris asks, and he seems almost skeptical, like he’s not sure how to proceed with the conversation. Or he’s not sure why it’s a conversation at all. It makes Darren feel a bit uneasy, but he knows that this is a conversation they should have.

                Darren takes a deep breath and spends a few seconds trying to formulate his response. It’s important that he explain himself thoroughly. He doesn’t want to confuse his points or have it get lost in translation.

                “It’s just something I’m embarrassed about,” he starts, wanting to be as honest and straightforward as possible. He has more to say but Chris jumps in before he can finish.

                “But _why?_ ” Chris prods.

                Darren has to stop himself from throwing a dirty look at Chris. He doesn’t mind getting interrupted in general, but during serious and emotional conversations it’s annoying. It makes him feel like the person isn’t really _listening_ to what he has to say.

                “Because it’s something that people get made fun of. And I don’t want people to perceive me as being like, a bottom slut, or as a closeted gay guy who’s too afraid to embrace that label. It’s _weird_ to like things up your ass.”

                Chris snorts. “Yeah, in the _straight_ world.”

                “Where is this mythical straight world, and can you tell me how to get there?” Darren jokes, cracking a half assed smile.

                Chris chucks a throw pillow at Darren, and Darren ducks just in time to avoid getting clunked in the head. But he laughs loudly and sticks his tongue out at Chris in retaliation..

                “Fine. In _modern society_ ,” Chris amends. “We live in heterosexually dominant world. With a mostly straight media presence. We grow up with straight boys being terrified of having something up their ass and therefore it becomes this huge insult in middle school and high school. And the media perpetuates that stereotype by making effeminate gay guys seem less manly, and for making fun of them. It’s not like that in the gay community—I mean, queer community, sorry. But like, people just don’t _care_. Other gay guys aren’t going to care if you like having a dick up your ass, Darren. Just like you wouldn’t care if they liked having one up theirs.”

                Darren nods his head in contemplation as he thinks about what Chris is saying, and bites his lip. “Okay. True. But like, there’s more to it.”

                “Relationships don’t work if the people aren’t willing to communicate,” Chris says with a teasing lilt to his voice.

                “It’s…complicated?” Darren responds, voice high with inflection. He takes a deep breath and gathers his thoughts before continuing. “Okay, so, I like bottoming. A lot. I love feeling a guy behind me or on top of me or below me. I love feeling a guy inside of me. It really turns me on being in that semi-submissive- but-not-always role. I like being in that position. But with _guys_. I don’t—I don’t like bottoming with girls. I’ve tried it before. I’ve had girlfriends interested in things like that, and I’ve had them finger me. And it just turns me off. I don’t enjoy that,” Darren shrugs.

                Chris rolls his eyes and lets out a quiet but long grunt. “Darren, you need to stop beating yourself up over inane shit. You’re allowed to like different things from different genders. I like getting fingered, too, but I wouldn’t like it if it were a girl doing it to me. Guys and girls are different. One thing can turn you on with girls that won’t turn you on with a guy. Like, I don’t know, me versus Mila Kunis dressed up in a naughty Catholic school girl outfit and heels.”

                Darren can’t help himself from immediately envisioning both scenarios. “True,” he says. “I totally choose Mila Kunis over you in that situation.”

                Chris laughs. “See? It’s okay to want different things from different people. Get over your bottom shame. Besides the fact that it’s not like you’re going to be airing your sex life to the world, most people—in the queer community at least—honestly do not give a fuck.”

                “Ugh, fine. Commence getting over my bottom shame.”

                “Good. Because last night was great and I want to do it again. This time with you facing me.”

                “I think I can do that,” Darren winks. He scoots over to Chris and swoops in for a kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

                With the pressure really pushing on Darren, he has to come up with a plan quick.

                In less than a week his parents are flying in for the premiere of _Call Me Madam_ , and Darren still isn’t out to Chuck yet. He promised himself he’d tell Chuck two days ago, but he didn’t want to do it over the phone and Chuck got tied up with the band and had to cancel their dinner plans. Now Darren has to worry about the premiere, coming out to Chuck, _and_ coming out to his parents—something he isn’t sure yet if he wants to do before the show premiers or after.

                On the one side if he tells them before the show, then he will be completely out and he and Chris can go to the after party together as a _couple_ , as opposed to a couple of guys who know each other but are _totally_ not boning or anything.

                But at the same time, if he tells his parents and it doesn’t go over too well, he doesn’t want to have ruined the rest of their trip. He also doesn’t want that burden on his shoulders while he’s performing the biggest show of his career to date.

                Chris has been a great support throughout this all, and Darren doesn’t want to keep postponing the inevitable, especially since he’s officially out to all of his friends and everyone knows that he and Chris are dating. He wasn’t upset when Darren didn’t tell Chuck like he promised he would, and he always gives Darren comfort when needed. He’s actually almost _too_ perfect, a fact that sometimes gets on Darren’s nerves. There is, however, one thing that Chris keeps doing that does grate Darren.

                “I’m here to be your ally,” he says to Darren that afternoon when Darren is explaining how he needs to just bite the bullet and tell his family.

                “Can you stop saying that?” Darren asks with some bite to his voice.

                “Saying what?” Chris asks defensively.

                “ _Ally_ ,” Darren responds acerbically.

                “But that’s what I _am_ ,” Chris defends, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

                They’re in Chris’ bedroom relaxing. It’s well after midnight and Darren came here right after his show so he and Chris could spend the night together. Once Darren’s parents fly in Sunday he’ll be spending a lot of time with them. Hopefully some of it will involve Chris, but still, he wanted some quality time with his boyfriend.

                “But you’re _not_ ,” Darren retorts, throwing the afghan off of him and standing up. He needs to pace for a bit, too aggravated to sit down. He needs to let his frustrated energy out.

                Chris stays where he’s seated on the bed, sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

                “Care to explain this little outbreak?” Chris asks icily.

                Darren groans and runs his hands over his face harshly as if he’s trying to rub off an invisible mask that’s glued itself to his skin. He doesn’t want to snap at Chris, but it’s hard not to.

                “You use that word a lot. _Ally_ ,” Darren says with emphasis, turning around and looking at Chris. He throws his arms out. “What does that even mean?!”

                “It means I want to support you!” Chris hollers back, probably a bit louder than he intended. Stephen is home and hanging out in his room.

                “But you’re not an _ally_ ,” Darren says.

                “I’m _your_ ally,” Chris shoots back.

                Darren groans again in frustration and goes back to pacing for a few seconds before pausing by Chris’ desk and leaning against it.

                “Okay, fine. In the broadest sense of the term you are an ally. In the sense that you support me. But you keep saying that you’re an _ally_ to the queer community—“

                “I am!” Chris declares, putting his hands out in front of them, palms up, as if he’s praying to the heavens.

                “But you’re _not_. Chris, you might not realize this but you _are_ queer. In the broadest sense of the term. You always try and distance yourself from anything in the queer community. _But you’re gay_. Everything I’m going through you’ve been through before, too. So stop acting as if you have no idea what’s going through my head.”

                “But I don’t!” Chris defends, kicking off the blanket and standing up. He takes a few steps towards Darren, but it’s very obvious to Darren that Chris isn’t trying to attack or start a fight.

                “Uh huh,” Darren says, perhaps a bit rudely.

                “I know you think that I have all the answers, but I don’t, Darren. I never had to come out. More people assume I’m gay than think I’m straight. I never really had to _come out_ to my parents or my friends, or even most of my coworkers. My parents always knew I was gay but were in semi-denial about it until I got tired of them walking around the elephant in the room and confirmed their suspicions.”

                Darren crosses his arms and plays with his tongue in his mouth for a few seconds as he processes what Chris is saying.

                “It’s just annoying, okay?” Darren settles on. “You keep using this word but I don’t think you realize what it means. Joey is an ally. Stephen is an ally. You’re gay, I’m queer. We’re a part of this community whether we want to be or not.”

                “Okay. Whatever,” Chris says, exasperated. “I’m not an ally. Whatever. I support you though.”

                “I know you do,” Darren says as he lets down his arms and his resolve slowly crumbles. He takes a few steps towards Chris and slowly lifts his hands to Chris’ shoulders, watching in case Chris shows any signs of hesitance or annoyance. When he doesn’t, he places his hands on Chris’ shoulders and gets on his tip toes. His and Chris’ breath intermingles as Darren stares into Chris’ eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says.

                “It’s no big deal,” Chris replies.

                “Just, can you please stop distancing yourself from the rest of the queer community?” Darren asks, rubbing their noses together. It’s a dirty trick—he knows that Chris loves when he does that.

                “Yes,” Chris agrees, grasping onto Darren’s hips. “But why is it so important to you?”

                Darren takes a step back and looks at Chris skeptically, but he keeps his arms hesitantly around Chris’ shoulders.

                “I don’t mean that it’s a bad thing!” Chris clarifies quickly. “I just…I-I-I don’t understand it. Why being a part of that community is as important to you as it is. It’s not like it’s a c-club, or, or or, like, this physical _thing_.”

                Darren detaches himself from Chris and sits on the bed, bringing Chris with him.

                “Community in general has always been really important to me. It’s just how I was raised,” he shrugs. “I grew up in a tight knit family, I went to very small, community oriented schools growing up, and I lived in this big city that had a really mystical sense of community for the rejects—for queer people in particular. So I like surrounding myself with like-minded people. It’s why most of my friends are musicians or actors; having people I can just be myself around with no pretenses or no need for explanations—that’s really… _important_ to me.”

                Chris plays with Darren’s fingers for a second, breathing lightly. Darren watches the steady rise and fall of his chest as he waits for a reply.

                “It’s never been important to me,” Chris starts, staring at their entwined fingers. “Being gay was less of an identity and more of a general-yet-unimportant fact that I never wanted to define who I am. I understand that for some people it’s an identity and a big part of who they are. And I can tell that it is for you. So…I’ll work on it. Like, actually work on it.”

                “Thank you,” Darren whispers, squeezing Chris’ hand. He leans in and closes the distance, placing a firm kiss on Chris’ mouth. He deepens it when Chris parts his lips, and Darren disentangles their fingers and moves his hands to Chris’ face, cupping his cheeks lightly.

                “Can we go to bed now?” Chris practically whines, breaking the kiss. “Not all of us get to sleep in tomorrow,” he smiles.

                Darren lets out a breath and grins before putting his hands on Chris’ chest and pushing so Chris falls onto his back on the bed and Darren can crawl on top of him.

                “Not likely,” he replies, leaning in for another kiss.

* * *

 

                It’s Thursday, Darren’s parents are flying in on Sunday, and the opening night of _Call Me Madam_ is on Tuesday. It’s crunch time and Darren knows it, so he and Chuck settle on having lunch together before Darren has to get to the theatre that evening.

                Chuck has a side job to bring in extra money. Unfortunately being in a band doesn’t pay for an apartment in Manhattan, so Chuck puts his college degree to work by spending several days a week as an administrative assistant for a local financial advisor. The company pays him well and gives him the flexibility of making his own schedule, and Chuck really only needs to work four days a week. He’s saving up to propose to his girlfriend, and he wants to be able to pay for the lavish wedding she deserves without having to crawl to both of their parents and ask for financial help.

                When Darren called Chuck yesterday, Chuck agreed to meet him for lunch during his break. It’s a sly move on Darren’s part, because he knows that no matter what happens, Chuck only really has an hour, an hour and a half at most, to hang out. If things go bad then Darren has a very easy out; Chuck has to get back to work, so they won’t be able to sit and talk about it forever.

                Because they have so little time they avoid going to a sit down restaurant, and instead get in line at a really great local vegetarian sandwich shop around the corner from Chuck’s work. Darren’s fidgety the whole time they’re waiting in line and making small talk, but he’s able to keep himself in check enough to not lose complete control of his extremities. He’s nervous, but more so about telling Chuck that he’s dating Chris than telling Chuck that he’s queer.

                He’s pretty sure that Chuck won’t care who he likes, but there’s a nagging suspicion in Darren’s mind that telling him he’s queer and in a relationship with his really good friend might be too much information at one time. It’s why Darren prepared a speech. A monologue, really, where he can explain the whole situation to Chuck from beginning to end (while contributing as little information as possible on the one night stand he and Chris had).

                After they order their food they grab a table outside. Darren doesn’t want to be surrounded by too many people, for fear that their conversation might be overheard. But he does enjoy the safety net that being in public provides him; their conversation will likely be quiet as Chuck hates drawing unnecessary attention to himself, and it ensures Darren that Chuck won’t absolutely freak out or storm off angrily.

                “How’s work going?” Darren starts out once they sit down. He wants to glide into the topic slowly. Partially because he doesn’t want to spring it on Chuck immediately, but also because the longer he waits the less time he and Chuck have to talk about it before Chuck has to go back to work.

                “Slow, for the most part,” Chuck shrugs after swallowing a bite of his seitan sub. “Not in a bad way, though.”

                Darren adjusts his sunglasses and nods.

                “That’s good then.”

                “Yeah. I’m saving money, so I guess that’s what counts,” Chuck continues.

                “You think you’ll still quit soon?” Darren asks.

                Chuck puts his meal down and takes a deep breath, leaning back in his chair like he’s surprised by the question.

                “I’m not sure. I mean, ideally I’d be a musician full time. But this is an expensive city and even though the band is doing really well right now, it’s still not a…reliable source of income.” He scratches his head for a second and looks behind Darren, avoiding his eyes. “I don’t know. I want to get married, and we’re looking for a place to move into together. And eventually kids.”

                Darren looks at his brother skeptically, scuffing his toe beneath the table.

                “Are you saying that you think you’ll quit the band?” he asks rather accusatorially.

                “What?! No!” Chuck replies immediately, his eyes whipping towards Darren’s so fast that it’s almost comical. “Not at all! I just don’t think that quitting my job is something I can do right now. I need the money. If the band really takes off then yeah, totally. But right now…” he shrugs and they both sit in silence for a second before Chuck picks his sandwich back up and takes a bite. “So what about you? What’s up with you?”

                Darren shrugs nonchalantly. “Not much,” he replies, playing with his napkin.

                “Any reason why you wanted to meet up?” Chuck asks, looking suspiciously at Darren.

                When Darren had texted Chuck to meet up, Chuck had said he wasn’t free that week. Darren had to really push him into taking this lunch break, because apparently Chuck’s been working through them so he can get out of work earlier and go to band practice.

                “Yeah, actually,” Darren says, sitting up straighter and looking directly at his brother. He takes a second to remember his speech and how it starts. He doesn’t want to mess anything up.

                _This is really hard for me to say, so I’d like it if you could just hear me out before you start talking. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but I’ve never known how to. Growing up there was always a part of myself that was really scary and that I tried to erase and push away, and it was this part of me that likes guys. I pretended that side of me didn’t exist forever, but as I’ve gotten older it’s been harder and harder to forget or erase, and it took me a while to really accept that. But I wanted to let you know, now that I’m happy with who I am and open about it with people, that I’m queer. I like girls, and I like guys, and I’m okay with that. Most people know: all of my friends and coworkers. It’s really just the family that doesn’t. I know that this is probably hard for you to accept at first, and it might be weird, but it’s who I am and I’m done with hiding it and being ashamed of it. I’m sort of over it in general. I’m just ready to be **me** and not worry about what that means._

                Then they would talk about it and Darren would slowly unfold the news that he’s dating someone and that this someone is Chris.

                He had this whole speech planned out, this whole lunch, from beginning to end. But somehow this all gets thrown out of the window at the last second, and Darren’s eloquence goes with it, because instead he blurts out:

                “I’m queer and I’m dating Chris.”

                As soon as he says it he seizes up. He sits up straight, clenches his fists as his cheeks go from rosy pink to fire engine red, and his eyebrows shoot up past his hairline.

                “Oh my god,” he whispers to himself, unable to fathom what just happened. He can’t believe that he spit it out like that. He spent _hours_ coming up with that speech and memorizing it, just to come out in the least elegant way possible. “Fuck,” he groans.

                For Chuck’s part he’s just staring at Darren blankly, like what Darren said didn’t register. Like Darren is a white wall that Chuck is trying to see through.

                “Are you—”Chuck starts out slowly. “You’re gay?” he asks incredulously, his eyebrows furrowing.

                “No,” Darren says emphatically, picking his hand up and waving it dismissively. His back is still ramrod straight. “I am queer—”

                “What does that mean?” Chuck interrupts, and Darren tries not to be upset with the way it looks like Chuck is frowning.

                “I like girls and I like guys,” Darren responds, trying to remember this part of the speech. “Most people already know—”

                “Who knows?” Chuck asks.

                “Uhm,” Darren hesitates as his palms begin to sweat. His voice trembles a bit and he feels like he’s at a complete loss for words. “A-all my friends. My uh, coworkers—“

                “What about mom and dad?”

                “No,” Darren says. “No family knows. Except you now.”

                “And you’re dating Chris?” Chuck clarifies, leaning forward over the table even more like he’s trying to break his way into Darren’s personal bubble.

                Darren sighs heavily—and loudly. “Look, I had a much better way of presenting this. So I’m sorry for that—for just dumping this on you all at once. I wasn’t planning on doing it this way. But can we just check in with each other here so I know where we stand? Sort of want to know how you feel about this without playing 20 Questions.”

                “I’ve always known you liked guys, Darren,” Chucks says, finally leaning back in his chair. “That’s not—I don’t…care about that. It’s just sort of weird that you’re dating a good friend of mine and you both neglected to tell me.”

                “Wait, how’d you know that I’m queer?” Darren asks, stuck on that part of his sentence.

                Chuck shrugs. “You always stared at guys. Anytime we’d be at the pool and I’d have my friends there, you’d stare at them.”

                “Yeah, but everyone does that,” Darren protests.

                Chuck slowly shakes his head. “Darren, when straight guys look at other guys it’s to compare how they stack up to them. You never did that. You’d just… _stare_ at them in awe. And then there were all the times you’d get drunk in high school and make out with boys during spin the bottle and then pretend you were really drunk the next day and that you didn’t remember it, and you would try to wave it off like it was no big deal and pretend to be ridiculously macho and heterosexual.”

                Darren sulks a bit, a little surly thinking that apparently he was more obvious than he thought he was growing up. He’s upset by it, until suddenly he realizes the implication and freaks out.

                “Can we go back to talking about Chris—” Chuck starts.

                “Do mom and dad know?!” Darren spits out quickly, though not rudely. He’s leaning forward, and his eyes are back to being as wide as saucers.

                “Uhm,” Chuck begins, scrunching his nose up in thought, “yeah. Probably. I mean, yeah. They do.”

                “Are you serious?” Darren asks, confounded. Their half-eaten sandwiches are completely forgotten, and Darren almost forgets that he’s even in a restaurant at all. He has tunnel vision only for Chuck and what Chuck just said.

                “You really weren’t very subtle. I mean, apart from talking about guys or bringing guys home—“

                “I didn’t do that!” Darren is quick to supply.

                “—it was still something that they realized. I mean, Darren, think about it. How many times would they just _randomly_ tell us that we could marry anyone, guy or girl?”

                “I thought they were just being open! We lived in San Francisco!” Darren defends.

                “Yeah, but _all the time_. Anytime grandparents or aunts or uncles would even _mention_ a future wife, they’d go, ‘Or husband!’”

                “Fuck,” Darren exhales, leaning back in his chair once again.

The memories hit him instantly; growing up his parents were always vocal about the fact that he and Chuck could marry whoever they wanted to. They tried their hardest to keep gender stereotyping out of the home when it came to relationships. Anytime something came up on the news about DOMA or DADT or the fight for marriage equality, their parent would rant about the inherent homophobia in the nation. Anytime they met someone—a friend or family member—who expressed homophobic beliefs, they would give a well-spoken retort. They’d always make sure that their kids knew where they stood on that issue, and Darren had always assumed it was because of their environment and their need to raise children who were open and accepting and socially liberal. He never thought that it was because they thought one of their kids was possibly gay.

                “Can we go back to talking about Chris?” Chuck repeats.

                “What about him?” Darren asks, still processing all of this new information. Sometimes he wonders how his life became this dramatic and made-for-TV. He always thought he was a really relaxed person, but the past two months have been far too melodramatic. He feels like he could definitely act in a soap opera now without cracking up at the bad dialogue.

                “You guys are actually _dating_? As in, like, being boyfriends?” Chuck asks.

                Darren rolls his eyes. “I see the point you’re getting at, and to avoid confusion I’m just going to answer straight up; we are dating, he’s my boyfriend, we have sex.”

                “Too much,” Chuck says, his face scrunching up in mild disgust. “Things I don’t need to hear about my brother and my best friend.”

                Darren lets out a small, wry smile at that. It gives him a little bit of pleasure knowing that he just grossed his brother out.

                “He’s good at it, too,” Darren adds, grinning.

                Chuck lets out a short guffaw. “Asshole,” he mutters. “For how long?”

                “Not too long. We uh—and this is probably more information than you ever wanted to hear, but I might as well put all my cards out on the table. We met at the beginning of the year at a party. I didn’t know who he was, but we ended up—ah…sleeping together? And that was that. We didn’t exchange numbers or last names or anything. And then when you introduced me to him a few months later, we sort of reconnected slowly, and yeah. Now here we are.”

                Chuck works his jaw over a few times, and it’s how Darren knows that he’s processing the information.

                “Small world,” Chuck says.

                “Yeah,” Darren says.

                “So are you going to tell mom and dad?” Chuck asks.

                “Eventually,” Darren replies, taking a sip of water.

                “Like, before the premier or after?”

                Darren shrugs. “I’m not sure. Part of me just wants to get it over with so me and Chris can go to the after party as a couple, but another part of me doesn’t want to ruin my opening night for myself or for them by telling them this if they won’t accept it.”

                “They’ll accept it. Trust me,” Chuck replies.

                Darren plays with the straw in his cup. “You say that, but you don’t really _know_ that. It’s one thing to be supportive of equal rights and to have a queer kid.”

                Chuck rolls his eyes. “Darren, trust me when I say that they already know you like guys and that they will be very happy to meet any person you are dating, regardless of their gender.”

                “So you’re saying I should come out to them before?” Darren clarifies.

                “Yeah,” Chuck replies coolly.

                “That doesn’t leave much time,” Darren replies skeptically.

                “I mean, don’t pop it on them right after they get off the plane. But maybe that night or the next day. You’re spending all Monday with them, right?”

                “Yeah. Maybe I’ll do it then,” Darren trails off, contemplating.

                “I don’t want to get all Lifetime Original Movie on you,” Chuck begins, “but I feel like I need to be giving you that speech about how this doesn’t change shit and you’re still the same person as before and all that jazz.” Chuck throws some jazz hands up and Darren lets out a smile.

                “Duly noted. Thank you.”

                “Alright,” Chuck says, checking the time on his phone. “I have to get back to work.”

                They stand up together and throw out their trays. Before they part Chuck pulls him in for a tight hug, squeezing much harder than normal.

                “I always knew you were a little queer,” he says when they pull back, mocking Darren a bit.

                Darren laughs loudly and slaps his brother congenially on the shoulder.

                “Get back to work, fucker.”


	14. Chapter 14

                His parents fly in Sunday late afternoon, and Chuck is the one in charge of picking them up from the airport and depositing them at the apartment they’re renting for the three weeks they’re staying. Darren would have come along, but he has a Sunday matinee to perform. His plan is to shower quickly afterwards and get changed so he can meet the family for a late dinner.

                He makes it to the restaurant in Chelsea a little late, but he knew that that was unavoidable. On the upside, it means that everyone already ordered appetizers, so he won’t have to wait long for food; he’s _starving_.

                When he walks in and finds their table he is greeted loudly, with hugs and smiles and tears and applause.

                “Man of the hour!” his father says jovially, nearly hollering. He clasps Darren on the shoulder and then pushes in for a tight hug.

                It’s quick, because then his mother—his tiny, little mother—pushes her way through and gives Darren a warm, loving, and full bodied embrace.

                “My boy,” she sighs into his ear. She holds him even tighter. Darren squeezes back and doesn’t even try to wipe the goofy smile from his face.

                He hasn’t seen his parents since Easter, and even though that was only a few months ago, knowing that they’ll be in New York City for nearly a month is incredibly comforting. They already have tickets to sit front and center (well, four rows from the front) for every performance, minus two Wednesday and Saturday matinees, because Darren urged them to take some afternoons for themselves to hang out with Chuck and his girlfriend and to explore the city. And also, hopefully, to take in a few other shows.

                “How have you been?” his mother asks as she pulls back, holding onto this biceps and beaming at him, taking him in. “You look thin,” she tuts.

                Darren laughs. “You say that every time you see me,” he smiles.

                She chuckles back as they all take their seats. “That’s because there’s not enough pinoy food here,” she jokes good naturedly.

                “Well I certainly won’t say no to any home cooked meals while you’re here,” Chuck throws in. “And if you could maybe do some of my laundry…”

                Bill laughs loudly and he cheeks go Irish red in happiness. “She won’t even do my laundry!” he retorts.

                Cerina rolls her eyes lovingly and turns the attention back to Darren. “Tell me all about the show! How’s it going so far?”

                They spend the rest of the night talking and drinking and sharing stories and hometown gossip. Darren and Chuck get caught up on all the family drama, learn which cousins are going to which college, and which Filipino family members are coming to visit for Christmas.

                They stay at the restaurant late, and if it weren’t for the fact that his parents had a long day and a transcontinental flight, they would have gone out to a classy bar and tapas place for more drinks and conversation. But Darren knows that Chuck has to go to work tomorrow and that his parents would probably like to go back to the apartment and unpack and make it feel a little bit homey, so he bids them goodnight with tight hugs and heads over to Chris’ place to spend the night.

                Chris is already in bed when Darren gets there a little after midnight, so Darren locks the front door behind him and heads to Chris’ room. He quietly undresses and slips in behind Chris, placing a light kiss on his bare shoulder before picking up whatever book that he left at Chris’ place and reading until he gets tired enough to sleep.

* * *

 

                Chris isn’t there when Darren wakes up, but he had left a short note for Darren wishing him luck and telling Darren to call him if he needed to.

                The plan is for Darren to spend all day with his parents and take them around Manhattan. They’ve been to the city many times and look at it almost like a second home for them, especially since they’ve become resigned to the fact that their sons will most likely spend their lives there and raise kids there.

                The plan is to also come out to them, which Darren isn’t actually as nervous for as he once was. The conversation with Chuck, although embarrassing, was incredibly enlightening. He realizes now that his parents probably already know this and that they really won’t care. At worst they will just be slightly uncomfortable watching Darren be physically affectionate with a boy. Not out of any disgust or homophobia, but because he can imagine it might be weird for them. Hell, it’d weird him out at first if he saw his father stare romantically into the eyes of another man before sensually kissing him.

                Still, he wants to spend the morning just hanging out with them and grabbing lunch, and he’ll tell them after that when he drops them off at their apartment. His father made reservations at one of Cerina’s favorite restaurants, so they’ll be dining alone tonight.

                They go to the Museum of Modern Art, because it’s one of his parents favorite places and because he enjoys being able to spend the day taking in art. He loves being surrounded by so much history and culture and talent, and it’s always fun comparing which Criss likes and dislikes which pieces of Art. His mother has a flair for the surreal, his father the contemporary, and Darren the pastoral and anything that could be qualified as grunge. Which, in Darren’s opinion, is anything from medieval art to Andy Warhol.

                After the museum they walk up Fifth Avenue to Central Park, walking around the perimeter and taking in the sights and sounds of the city. It’s an absolutely gorgeous day: not too hot and not too cold. There’s a small wind that takes away any discomfort from the sun, and Darren strolls down the walkway with his hands in his pockets and a warmth in his heart.

                “I never asked you,” he says as they walk past a dog park, “how was the flight?”

                “Not bad,” his mother responds simultaneously as his father groans.

                “Too long. My back hurt the whole time. I’m getting too old for this!” he says it with a chuckle, but Darren knows that there’s a sincere amount of truth to it. It’s a long flight, and not the most comfortable on his sixty-plus year old parents. He loves that they withstand the pain and visit anyway, but the thought that these trips might one day come to an end fills him with sadness.

                “You’re being dramatic,” his mother responds, patting her husband on the arm. “The flight was fine. We were upgraded to business class. And we used our miles for first class on the way home.”

                “Fancy,” Darren replies as he moves to the side of the walkway to let a woman with a stroller jog past.

                “It’ll be nice,” his father responds. “Anyway, tell us the plan for tomorrow!”

                Darren adjusts his glasses and scratches the back of his neck.

                “So I have to be at the theatre around five-thirty, the latest. Show is at seven, and afterwards there’s an after party. Are you and Chuck going to dinner beforehand?” Darren asks.

                “Yes,” Cerina replies. “We’re going to dinner with Chuck and Lucy, and then we’re going to the show. Afterwards we’ll take a cab to the party.”

                “No! Don’t do that,” Darren replies immediately. “Just get in the car with me.”

                “You have a car?” his father asks.

                “No, but someone hired a limo to take the principle cast to the after party.”

                Cerina chuckles. “I think we’ll just take a cab. You go do the stage door and be with the cast and we’ll meet you there.”

                Darren shrugs. “Whatever you guys want.”

                His parents get distracted for a bit staring at the stunning architecture of a few buildings, and then take note of a few small, cute children walking around.

                “They have better fashion taste than you,” his mother jokes.

                Darren laughs and looks down at what he’s wearing: an old pair of jeans, a striped, black and white v-neck that belongs to Chris, and a deep maroon cardigan with a few small holes in it.

                “That’s really not a hard feat to accomplish,” he laughs.

                “So tell us, besides the play, what’s new in your life?” his father asks.

                It’s really the best opening that Darren’s going to get, and he didn’t even have to initiate it. He decided that this coming out would be done with much more finesse than the last one, so he decides to take the bait.

                “Actually,” he says, pausing for a second. “You see—uhm. A few things, I guess.”

                “Care to elaborate?” his father replies.

                “Ugh, okay,” Darren says, scrunching his nose. He has to put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from punching the bridge of his nose or fidgeting too much. “So you probably already know this, but I’m just going to make it official. I like guys. And I’m dating one. So…” he trails off.

                He isn’t sure if he should keep walking or if this conversation required a full stop, but he follows his parents lead and continues leisurely walking. His mother smiles primly and grabs his wrist, pulling his hand out of his pocket and interlacing his fingers.

                “Tell me about him,” she says.

                Darren looks down at their fingers and then back up at his parents, who both look happy and relieved, with pink tinted cheeks and smiles. There’s not a hint of surprise there.

                “He’s…great. He’s actually uh, Chuck’s friend. He’ll be there tomorrow,” Darren replies, enjoying the feel of his mother’s hand warm and solid in his own.

                “Does he have a name?” his father prods.

                “Chris,” Darren says.

                “I’m excited to meet him,” his mother replies tenderly.

                “Yeah,” Darren says, getting a little choked up. “I’m excited for you to meet him, too.”

                They don’t talk about it anymore. His father says he’s hungry so they stop by a small bakery and grab artisanal sandwiches to munch on while outside. They don’t ask if Darren’s gay, or if he’s sure he likes guys. They don’t rehash the past or tell Darren, “We know.” They just let it be, seemingly happy that Darren’s happy.

                It doesn’t seem like an issue to them, and it touches Darren so deeply that they accept this like it’s the easiest thing in the word to accept. Like it doesn’t mean anything.

                When they get back to his parents apartment two hours later, Darren gives them each a long tight hug and thanks them for a wonderful day.

* * *

 

                Chris leaves work an hour earlier than usual because he said he wants to have time to see Darren before he leaves for the show. Darren thinks it’s also because he wants to hear in person how Darren’s coming out went. So he heads to Chris’ apartment with his work bag and uses the extra key Chris left him that morning and hangs out there.

                The first thing he does when Chris gets home is jump into his arms and pull Chris’ face towards his, initiating a long and soft deep kiss. Chris barely just catches Darren, holding onto his thighs tight and falling against the wall in surprise.

                “I cannot wait for you to meet my parents,” Darren breathes after he detaches his lips from Chris’.

                “It went well?!” Chris asks, eyes wide and hopeful.

                Darren nods his head. “Mmmhmm. They’re excited to meet you.”

                Chris surges back in for another kiss, slowly letting go of Darren’s legs so he can comfortably fall to the ground.

                “I am so fucking happy to hear that,” Chris says.

                They kiss a bit more in the entryway of the apartment until Chris eventually grabs his hand and pulls him into the apartment and to his own bedroom. When they get there Chris pulls his shoes off and begins unbuttoning his shirt and pants.

                “Ooh. Sexy,” Darren replies, plopping on the bed and putting his hands behind his neck, watching the peep show. “Now do a little dance.”

                “Ha!” Chris chortles. “In your dreams.”

                “Actually, yes,” Darren responds. “Very frequently in my dreams. You shake your hips and then give me a lap dance.”

                “I promise to give you a lap dance,” Chris assures. “Buuuuut, not today. I wanna get out of these clothes and make out with my boyfriend leisurely before he has to go do that thing where he plays the lead actor in an off-Broadway show.”

                “Ugh, he sounds like such a pretentious douche,” Darren snarks.

                “The worst,” Chris replies as he throws his button up into his laundry basket. He keeps his undershirt on, but switches his tight khakis for basketball shorts that he normally only wears when he runs. “Now come on, cowboy. Let’s go grind on the couch.”

                Darren thrusts his hand out and waits for Chris to grab it and pull him up.

                “That sounds like my kind of fun!” he replies cheekily.

                “Don’t be fooled,” Chris warns. “Because it won’t go anywhere.”

                “You just plan on teasing me?” Darren asks, lying on his back on the couch.

                “Basically,” Chris grins. “I’m going to leave you wanting more.”

                “Ungh, yes,” Darren groans. Chris straddles Darren’s waist and leans in, nipping at Darren’s neck. It’s not nearly enough to leave a mark—Chris is always sure of that because of Darren’s job—but it’s enough to spark some interest in Darren’s cock.

                “I’ll finish you off tonight,” Chris whispers in his ear.

                Darren laughs and bares his neck for Chris to lick at and such lightly. If there’s one thing Darren can’t wait for, it’s for his run in this show to end, for the sole reason that then his boyfriend can suck as many marks on his neck as possible.

                “That better be a promise,” Darren says.

                Chris doesn’t reply. He just takes Darren’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulls lightly before running his tongue over it to sooth it.

                “Less talkin’ and more kissin’,” Chris orders.

                “Aye, aye, cap’n,” Darren says enthusiastically, grasping Chris’ hips hard and surging up to kiss Chris.

                They spend the next half hour making out on the couch before Darren’s phone alarm goes off, reminding him that he has to leave for the theatre soon.

                “Nooo,” he pouts. “I want more kissin’!”

                Chris shakes his head fondly and hops up.

                “It’s your big debut. You gotta go wow them,” he says.

                “If you say so,” Darren says dramatically, heaving himself up. He walks to the small bathroom so he can pee and gargle some mouthwash before leaving. Then he grabs his bag from the comfy chair in the corner that he put it on when he got there, and heads for the door where his shoes are.

                “I have something for you before you go,” Chris says walking towards him after Darren finishes tying his shoes. “It’s nothing bi-i-i-g, but I just thought you deserved something special.”

                Chris hands Darren a small parcel, the size of his palm. Darren looks it over before looking up at Chris.

                “You didn’t have to get me anything,” Darren says.

                Chris shrugs nonchalantly. “I wanted to. You deserve something special. You’ve really..y-y-you’ve come a long way the last few weeks. And I think I have, too. We have together, as a, a…couple. So…” Chris trails off, crossing his arms and looking nervously at the package in Darren’s hand.

                Darren doesn’t want to keep Chris nervous, so he slowly rips the top of the packaging off and opens it to reveal the gift inside.

                “It’s stupid,” Chris says as Darren empties the gift onto his palm.

                “No it’s not,” Darren replies immediately, beaming.

                It’s a ring, similar to the one Darren wear on his middle finger. It’s thick and heavy, but instead of being opaque it’s striped in the colors of the rainbow. It’s not gaudy or ostentatious—not at all. It’s muted colors, not bright neon, but Darren can already tell that when the light catches it in the right way it lets off an elegant shimmer.

                “There’s a chain in there, too,” Chris supplies. “In case you wanted to wear it as a necklace instead.”

                Darren pulls the chain out and loops it through the necklace immediately before clasping it shut and putting it around his neck.

                Chris smiles hesitantly.

                “I just wanted you to know that I’m p-proud of you. And of us. And that I’m, y’know… _trying_.”

                “I love it,” Darren says, leaning forward and kissing Chris. He lets his tongue tease against the seam of Chris’ lips, and he pushes his tongue through when Chris parts them. Darren wraps one hand around the back of Chris’ neck and pulls him forward, savoring the feeling of this moment.

                When they pull back Chris eyes the necklace again, like he can’t believe that it’s there.

                “I love it,” Darren repeats.

                Chris smiles thoughtfully. “Break a leg tonight, okay.”

                “Absolutely,” Darren responds, hiking up his work bag.

                He leans in one more time for a quick peck and then opens the door, backing out of it slowly so he’s facing Chris. He fingers the ring around his neck, rubbing his thumb over it and staring directly at Chris.

                “Just so you know,” he says from right outside the apartment door, “I really fucking like you.”

                He smiles his big, goofy smile and watches as Chris lets his guard down, laughing quietly and shaking his head affectionately.

                “You’re not so bad yourself,” he says.

                Darren turns around and hops down the stairs, beaming the whole way to the theatre.

**Author's Note:**

> Rebloggable on [Tumblr](http://magsforya.tumblr.com/post/128793820039/its-sort-of-a-small-world-after-all).
> 
> I cannot adequately express how relieved I am to have completed this story, and how happy comments would make me.


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